Letters to Jack & Audrey

The Parent Teacher Conference

2011-03-02T15:31:00.002-06:00

Jack,

So my story about the Parent Teacher Conference this evening begins yesterday. I picked you up from school and we were in the van driving to get your sister. I asked as I do every day how your day at school was and you gave your normal response that it was fine.

Things were going as normal - you were sitting in your seat looking out at the traffic and I was thinking of what dinner would be when you seemed to be wondering out loud about something.

"Mommy - it's not good when someone asks you to do something that gets you in trouble."

WARNING - WARNING - RED LIGHTS FLASHING - THIS IS NOT A TEST... Sorry - that's just what happened in my brain when you said that.

"Why do you say that, Jack? Did something happen?"

"yes."

"What happened?"

"Sebastian told me to draw a bad picture."

(sigh)....

"What was it a bad picture of?"

(whispering to me): "a penis"

"I see. What happened when you drew it?"

"My teacher got mad at me."

"I'm sure she did. Did you tell her what happened?"

"Yes."

"Did she talk to Sebastian?"

"Yes. He got in trouble too."

"Where is this picture?"

"She said she was going to keep it till after conference."

GROOOOOOOOOOOOOAN!!!!!

So.... this Parent Teacher conference is happening this evening. As it currently is - I know that I'm going into this meeting with my child's teacher knowing that my sons artist reference of a penis will have to be discussed. I feel like the thoughts in my head are completely schitzophrenic in nature....

On one hand - THIS IS FUNNY, RIGHT?!?!? I mean - come on. We all have done something like this. It's funny!

On the other hand - why is my almost 6 year old drawing penises at school? Isn't he too young for this? Or is it because I'll always consider him a baby that this seems so totally wrong?

And a little part of me turns defensive. What - do we live in such a Puritanical society that we can't admit that kids are going to be curious about sex and their bodies? Isn't this completely natural? I don't want my child to grow up thinking that penis is a bad word or that there is any type of negative connotation associated with having one. I wouldn't want him to be ashamed or anything like that.

But mostly, it's just funny.... right?

I'm sure I'll post tomorrow on how this really turned out and maybe I'll have to post a picture of the artwork. Maybe... :)

Love,

Mommy

Happy Ween!

2010-11-02T13:24:00.000-06:00

Trust and Honesty

2010-08-31T11:53:00.003-06:00

Jack,

I want for you what all parents want for their children - to be happy. That is definitely true, but I also want you to be content, satisfied, loved and loving. It’s so important to me – the type of person you grow up to be.

Last night, you were brushing your teeth and you just started talking to me. I don’t remember how the conversation started but soon you were telling me about your classroom and how there is a time out chair and I asked you if you have ever had to sit in the time out chair. You were honest – you said that “yes” you had to sit in the time out chair before but you didn’t want to tell me why.

I told you that it was okay for you to tell me – that we could talk about it – but you weren’t convinced. You told me that you didn’t want to because it was too bad. You stalled by taking lots of drinks of water and finally, you relented and told me that you had been playing a game with a friend of yours when two other children came to join the game and that you had hit them.

I nodded as I listened and was careful not to launch into a lecture. I could tell by your reluctance to talk about it that you were only too aware of how inappropriate this behavior was.

I asked you instead – what did you learn from that experience. You seemed to think about it and then you said to not do that anymore.

You mentioned then about how there is a worse punishment but that you hadn’t had to do it – which is go to see the principal. I said that was good.

There was something very sweet about the timid confession of misbehavior last night. I felt like a confidant and I was so proud of you. I could see regardless of what had happened at that time, that you knew right from wrong in this situation and that next time, I suspected things would come out differently.

We snuggled last night until you fell asleep and the next day, I got the warmest hug from you when I dropped you off for school. A friend came over – you introduced her as Delaney. You asked her if she wanted to play Mr. Fox and I saw her face light up and she said YES! And then you both went to get your backpacks and lined up to walk down the hallway to the playground.

I stood in the hallway and watched as you proceeded down the hall. I found it hard to walk away and I feel drawn to you even now. A special little closeness that I feel because you trusted me to tell me something I wouldn’t have known – you took a chance - and I will not let you down. We will figure out these challenges together as long as you will let me.

Love,

Mommy

Kindergarten

2010-08-24T13:38:00.005-06:00

Jack,

This past week marked your rite of passage into Kindergarten. Your first week. It was much anticipated and you weren't nervous at all. I would say the opposite - you were VERY eager for this new phase of life. I could tell you were excited to take on a new challenge. Sunday before your first day of school, I made your lunch and put it all neatly into your lunchbox and packed your AM snack in your backpack. As I went through this routine for the first time - I couldn't believe how choked up I felt. I knew that in your backpack was cash to be loaded onto your lunch account and I know there are days you will eat the lunch I pack and other days when you will buy and that is just amazing to me. It's hard to imagine you getting a lunch tray and walking through a line with all these other kids collecting your own lunch and taking your tray to a table to eat. You are growing up way too fast. My head is spinning. You LOVED your first day of school. It was wonderful - you couldn't WAIT to go back. You made friends, you enjoyed the lunchtime experience and the two recesses. You LOVE your new teacher and everything was new and exciting - the activities, the children, the grown ups! It was a perfect beginning. The first week has passed with flying colors and here we are in week 2. The novelty of the experience is wearing off a little and there are days when you would rather stay home, but you still love Kindergarten and are very glad to be there. Yesterday was a rough day and when I picked you up, your face was red and swollen with tear streaks on your skin. I asked what happened and you talked about how the game that you played in gym was too hard for you and you got upset and then later you fell on the playground and scraped your leg and that it really was the baddest day ever. You were so sad! I hugged you and suggested that we have Spaghetti O's for dinner since you love them. Then we talked on the drive to get Audrey about how we have to have bad days sometimes in order for us to really appreciate the good days. Also, when you are down - there's nowhere to go but UP, so things would be getting better - not worse. The evening was calm and healed all wounds and this AM you were upset about going back, but Daddy had the Midas touch - keeping things light and easy - so that by the time you went to school, you were in a very good place. I anticipate when I pick you up, that it will have been a much better day than yesterday.I love that you are at this point - that you can tell me about how a word sounds and what two numbers equal when you add or subtract them from each other.
You have also reached the milestone of pet owner. You are the very proud owner of your very own hamster named Peanut. He is adorable but you are MORE adorable. You love him more than anything and you bring him everywhere with you. He has come with us to the playground, down the slide, on the swing, and he plays computer with you and plays with your toys with you. He ends up driving cars and scurrying through obstacles from one point to another while you laugh and tell him he is silly and you love him. I just want to grab you up and hug you as I watch you play with this tiny little creature - you are so gentle and kind.

You are growing up to be such a wonderful person, Jack. It's an honor to be your Mom.

Love,

Mommy

Little Momma

2010-08-14T19:51:00.002-06:00

Pretty

2010-07-21T14:59:00.009-06:00

See?!?

EVERYONE thinks you are cute! :)

Audrey,

Lately you have turned into SUCH a girly girl!!! You have a jewelry box of bracelets that you like to put on your little arms and then you twist them back and forth with your little hand out and say "pwetty!" as we all admire how good you look!

You love your sparkly pink glasses and bows and hats on your head. You LOVE pretty shoes and that's one of the words you use very frequently as you coo "SHooooooo" and try to jam the pretty thing on your foot. You usually get very angry when it doesn't slide right on due to the interference of a buckle or something, but this doesn't tarnish your opinion of the shoe - it's just something we need to be hollered at about.

You are overall a very happy baby except if - for any reason whatsoever, I have to put you down or attend to something else. You really hate it when I am not with you - even if it's just putting you down so I can pour something to drink or empty the dishwasher. It's all just completely unacceptable. What kind of Mom needs two hands? A good one can make due with one, right? :) I am both loving this close stage and anticipating it's demise. I know it won't last and I'll yearn for your closeness. I wish I could stagger it in wonderful doses! :)

Jack,

You are growing so fast now, it blows my mind. You are also ADDICTED to computer games and would be satisfied to spend the entire day sitting in front of the computer. You are SO addicted that the process of getting your attention when you sit in front of it is simply impossible. We have to put it away for you to listen at all and that only comes about after a screaming fit because the computer is gone and then angry yelling as you make us pay for taking it away from you for at least the next hour.

The house lately has been increasing in volume, but there are so many wonderful things to say about that, too! You are also loving to read chapter stories with me - right now we are reading the Captain Underpants books that are written apparently JUST for you! The jokes are right up your alley and some of the strike you so humorously that we repeat them for days - it's actually quite funny. The two you have enjoyed the most recently is when the boys changed a sign to read: "I shake my big butt when I swim in the toilet" and "mommy, my airplane is swimming in the piano!"

These jokes are SOLID GOLD. You can go from seriously pissed to laughing in seconds if I should utter one of these SOLID GOLD JOKES. :) Good to know, right?

Oh, and another thing - your friends are always right. If they ever state something as fact and you repeat it to us and we dare to try to correct the obvious error in communication, you will tell us so definitively that we are WRONG - that it hardly leaves any room to argue the point with you. You are certain that every one of your young friends are like a million times smarter than your parents.

I didn't expect the teen years yet.

Love,

Mommy

Same Dress

2010-06-09T14:24:00.004-06:00

Audrey,

Same Dress - at one year of age. What do you think?

Audrey - 12 months

Bridget, 12 months

I think we might be related... :)

Love,

Mommy

Itty Bitty Baby

2010-05-31T21:20:00.001-06:00

Audrey,

I am such a baby. I'm so proud of the little toddler you are growing into and yet I still want you to stay my sweet little baby.

You are one!

How did that happen?

Was the last year on warp-speed?

Sorry - what a predictable question - every Mom asks herself that question after the first year because you can still remember what it was like to carry you in my belly and those middle of the night feedings and all the ways that made me so necessary to you.

You are so capable already. The doctor said at your one year visit that you didn't need bottles anymore so you are on sippy cups only and doing just fine with it. You are trying and succeeding incredibly well with using utensils at the dinner table and eating like a big girl.

As if feeding yourself wasn't enough of a sign that you aren't my itty bitty baby anymore, you are also feeding your baby dolls with pretend plastic bottles and hugging them to your breast and patting their backs with such care and concern. In the very next breath, you will carelessly toss them over your shoulder as you head off to explore the next thing.

Like your brother Jack before you, you LOVE to climb. You will climb anything and you have absolutely no fear of it. Stairs, pushing boxes or containers over to the sofa and climbing up on them, climbing on the chairs/boxes and standing up and grinning the biggest cheese-eating grin anyone ever saw because you are just so proud of what you can do. It's a very "LOOK AT ME!" pride and I do have to stop and admire you - your determination and the way you beam in your successes. On the reverse side, when you try something and you just can't do it, it absolutely breaks your heart. You either throw yourself backwards in desperate frustration - with no regard to your own safety - or you curl forward in a sobbing ball on the floor, like the collapsing of a dying star.

You love to talk. You are so proud of your developing communication skills. And not surprisingly for a daughter of mine - one of your first words is "Dah-gee" which you generally say to the dogs with your little arms outstretched reaching to pull their hairy faces to your little face and generally with your mouth open to give them a kiss which they always willingly oblige much to your ecstatic joy and to my absolute horror. I dive towards you and the dogs to try to keep them from licking the inside of your mouth and you must think I am a very peculiar mom to be so worried about the transfer of LOVE! Because that's what you are doing - you are loving your "dah-gee"s.

You can also say "bahl" for ball and "aaack" for Jack. You are constantly trying new words and succeeding. Today I was telling you that "Dah-gees" say "RUFF RUFF" and you deliberately tried it out: raaaaaaaaah raaaaaaaaaah to which I squealed and clapped YEEAH, AUDREY! THAT'S RIGHT! DOGGY'S SAY RUFF RUFF!

I'm just enjoying the heck out of you, Little Girl! Mommy loves you!

**MmmmmmmmWaaaaaaaaaah**

Mah-Mee

Defiant Child

2010-05-03T14:03:00.004-06:00

Audrey and Jack,

When I was younger, my family nicknamed me "Defiant Child". I'm sure you can only imagine why.

Well, this weekend, I was struck by the recognition of this trait in our young Audrey - only just 11 months old.

Audrey was sitting at the table eating her dinner when her little foot wandered up to the top of the table and she perched it there, next to her plate in a yoga-esque pose as she continued to eat.

I took hold of a cute little piggy and moved her foot off the table saying, "No feet where we eat, Audrey."

Well, Audrey just put her foot right back up on the table and I corrected her again - "No feet where we eat, Audrey. No no. Yucky."

Down again, up again, down again, up again....

Frustrated, I left the room.

From the other room, I hear Clay say "no way. She put her foot down when you left the room!"

I was surprised and came back in to see. As soon as I was around the corner, Audrey popped her little foot right back on top of the table.

Suspicious, I stepped out of the room again and I heard Daddy snickering as I did so.

"She didn't...." I said from the other room.

"She did!" he said back.

I came back and POP the little foot popped back up on the top of the table.

Is it ALL mothers and daughters that have this affect on each other or is it just this way in my family?

Love,

Mommy

Game On

2010-04-19T20:30:00.004-06:00

Jack,

No more conduct reports - it seemed to be a two day thing for that - but the "testing of limits" game continues with me. Lately you seem to be a reluctant sweetie pie. As though, if we were acquaintences, you might say - "I think we need a break", but since you can't, you will say "Mommy, you're stupid. (pause for affect, then...) IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII'mmmmmmm Sssssssssssssssooooooooorrrrrrrrrrrreeeeeeeeeeeeeeee" in a sing-songy voice that tells me you are anything BUT sorry.I've tried time outs, ignoring you, talking to you, getting angry and asking you how you would like it if I did that to you, and taking away toys.
Nothing seems to be working. Instead, it seems like you are curious about what I'll do next. Maybe what I need to do is land on one punishment and repeat it until you are thoroughly bored with the constant sameness of the punishment and simply stop the behavior for fear of the boredom that follows.

Hmmmm - I think that idea might work... :)

Guess what we're going to try?

As for Audrey - she is getting her teeth in and is about as sensitive as she can be.

I can't leave the room and if someone talks to her and she is in anyway overwhelmed by their inflection, Audrey will break into heart wrenching sobs.

I've been seeing a lot of this face lately.
I can't wait till those teeth come in and those moments become moments like this:
Love,

Mommy

Little black rain cloud

2010-04-08T20:20:00.001-06:00

Jack,

The past two days have been very hard on you.

Both yesterday and today you received conduct reports for bad behavior at school and I can't figure out what is going on. You seem to be angry and bothered - you walk around with a complex and clouded expression on your face and, if this were a cartoon, I would imagine a little black rain cloud following you around and pouring down on you as you went through your day.

I wish I knew what was wrong and how to make it better.

I suspect it has something to do with Daddy being gone and wishing you were with us during the day and not wanting to go to school, etc, but we deal with that at the beginning of each week for the most part, so I can't really figure why it's been so hard for you the past couple of days. I think last week when he was home all week was so nice for you that it made this week especially difficult.

Still, as much as I sympathize with you feeling sad about this, your actions have me racking my brain about that I need to do next. You've been speaking disrespectfully to me and your teachers, you have been acting out with friends - hitting and kicking and even one biting incident - I know that we need to get this under control now.

Audrey,

You have been having a difficult time, too. I don't know why - a growth spurt? Teething? I'm unsure, but you have been clingier and therefore I have less time to give to Jack one-on-one. This difficult time seems to be harder for you in the evenings and when you wake up. Lately you become unconsolable at these times. I don't know if it's brought on by pain from teething, frustration with not being able to communicate, hurt feelings and sadness from being separated when I put you down at night or have to do chores around the house that I need two hands for. Bottom line is that you are precious to me and I feel just awful when you cry. I know it's okay for babies to cry, but I wish you never had to.

I think the hardest thing about being a mother of more than one is that you want to give 100% to both kids. I know that's my biggest challenge - and I try like crazy to accomplish this. To find a way to do two things at once, if that's the case or find a way to involve one child in another child's interest so you can really spend time with both of them.

I'm extremely fortunate that the two of you are so enraptured with each other even now. If Jack runs towards Audrey, Audrey will shriek with excitement so much so that she jumps into my arms and grins so widely at Jack, that it looks like her face can't possibly hold all that happiness. It's really fantastic to see!

So, while I know there are ups and downs and things can't always be sunshine and sugar, I am always on a search for that return to harmony.

Love,

Mommy

Family Picture

2010-04-05T13:46:00.007-06:00

Jack and Audrey,

I wanted to get a new family picture - I called it a birthday present so that everyone would feel compelled to go along with me. :) Worked like a charm. So, we got our pictures taken - it was fun, minimally stressful and I think it turned out wonderfully - the actual picture taking that is....
Okay, so these are the BEFORE pictures. I don't actually have any AFTER pictures because the fallout which happened approximately 20 minutes after these pictures were taken was so drastic that if I had so much as suggested that we take a picture, I think Daddy would have removed my head with a plastic spoon. :)
Let me start over - so the pictures are taken - all is well. The picture people told us to come back in 15 minutes to view the pictures so we headed to the mall playground. We watched the kids play for 15 minutes and they were having a blast even though there were a couple of moments when my heart stopped because big kids were dashing about with no regard for Audrey, but all was fine.So, I went to view the pictures while Daddy watched you guys on the playground.
I was there making the picture choices for about 5 minutes when Daddy comes around the corner with blood all down the sleeve of his shirt saying "We have to go. NOW."
I'm alarmed and notice that you, Jack, are standing next to Daddy crying with blood caked on your nose and face, and your shirt, pants and shoes covered in splattered blood - making for a very dramatic picture.
I start trying to get checked out as quickly as possible, and trying to calm you down with hugs and dabbing at your face with a wet towel, but there are simply too many people and too much chaos. Daddy is holding napkins sturated in blood and cups with cold water and ice that helpful people brought to him in an effort to try to assist in this situation and which he is now stressfully holding while Audrey tries determinedly to get her hands on and pull from his grasp.
Apparently you were playing on the playground when a little girl who was running ran smack into your nose. You tend towards nose bleeds anyways but when you really get smacked, your nose bleeds like a faucet. You were covered in blood, as was Daddy and Audrey was all wide eyed with everything that was happening. I had a little from the assuring hugs and attempts to calm you.
Jack - you got really pale because you had swallowed blood from holding your head up to stop the bleeding which actually caused the blood to go down the back of your throat and you became nauseous - so we were carrying a box for you to puke into as we all limped back to the van in our bloodstained clothes and our faces stressed and worried from the whole situation. If you could have seen a picture of all of us in our white clothes, stained with blood afterwards, you would have thought we had just gone through a war zone. Amazing how much things can change in just 20 minutes.
Love,

Mommy

Now I can see my WHOLE NECK!

2010-03-15T20:26:00.011-06:00

Jack,

Today you turned 5 years old.

Sure - this may not seem as astounding to anyone besides maybe myself, your Dad and immediate family members. I mean... I guess it was bound to happen at some point, right?

Still. You are FIVE!

Wow.

This morning you emphatically told me that now you could see your whole neck! I won't tell you how long I pondered that statement before I put together that you meant when you looked in the mirror. Lately, my mind isn't what it used to be.

I look upon five as a big milestone - you become school age, you aren't technically a baby anymore - you are now in the little kid zone. You have friends that you hang out with and joke with now and you'll come home and tell me what Max said today and laugh while I nod blankly desperately trying to put the puzzle together in my head to figure out what the joke was. The punchlines always seem to have something to do with the word STINK or POO and they just send you into convulsions of laughter.AHHH, YESSS - I remember that. Five year old humor! So, we had a big birthday bash this year where you could invite all your friends and play in a fun environment. We opted for Monkey Joe's and I'm really very proud of how well the party went. It was a VeggieTales party because that is your absolute favorite thing now. I planned this for weeks - I ordered special favors online because there aren't any local stores that carry VeggieTales items. I found costumes and videos at stores, but that was it.The cake was VeggieTales which I was able to find at a local bakery - put together goody bags and the whole shabbang.I'm sooooooooooooo glad we did it, too, because you had such a blast with your friends! I'll admit - it had the element of Lord Of the Flies to it, but in a good way! :) You were all so cute running around and jumping and you were almost purple in the face from all the activity before you slowed down to eat. Actually, you slowed down because someone - some girl I don't know - pushed you down and that was it. You were crushed. It was a typical "It's my party and I'll cry if I want to" moment that we've all had at some point. It was all so exciting and you were basically elevated to cloud level for hours on end. A crash was inevitable, but it wasn't too bad. You simply chilled in the party room while your guests continued to bounce and you were completely recovered by the time everyone joined us in the room to eat and open gifts.Recently, I've been reminiscing with you about how I wished for you before you were born. How I couldn't stop hoping that I would have a baby and that you were the perfect little baby that I dreamed of that came along and made me a Mommy.I let you know that I asked for YOU specifically and I got what I wished for, but it's not really the truth because, Jack - I could never have imagined that anything would be as strong as this - this fierce need to protect, this testing of my strengths and pushing me to be a better person - this all encompassing love. It's better than anything I could ever have hoped for because it's better than I could ever have imagined.You make the day brighter and you show me the way by showing me how to become the person that I want to be each day.

Happy Birthday, Jack!

Love,

Mommy

A Pure Joy

2010-03-09T10:23:00.002-06:00

Audrey,

You are growing and changing so much that it’s impossible to keep up.

Seems like just yesterday you were this chubby little smiling cherub that happily watched me and came along for the ride while I did what I needed to do and enjoyed playing with you balanced on my lap or tummy.

Now you are on the move – crawling, pulling up and getting into everything. I swear that whenever I’m in the middle of something that you shouldn’t get into or if I’m changing your diaper, you grow eight arms. It’s impossible to keep you under control. You can be pulling a wipe into your mouth, while your legs are twisting the opposite direction threatening to get poop on my pants, the couch or carpet, your other hand grabbing my hair that is hanging down and you are trapping my head to your chest while you start pushing off with your other back leg trying to scoot up and out from under me and screaming all the while. WOW!

You LOVE to eat paper. I barely have a chance to see Jack’s artwork that he’s showing me when I realize you already had the corner in your mouth, chewed it off and are consuming it while you brother looks on in unspeakable horror. The fiber in your diet must be astronomical. You may be part goat.

You have such an incredible love of life. Many times a day your enthusiasm and excitement for your brother, his antics and life happening around you is so large that it spills over in loud screams and squeals. Sometimes with your arms extended as though the sound itself was not enough – your whole body explodes with your enthusiasm!

Absolutely nothing escapes your attention – you notice everything. At school, you watch your friends and wind up exploring new areas, like the kitchen, etc – and you pull them down to your level so you can interact with them – squealing and screaming as you do so. They shake on the baby gate, so you crawl over and shake it too, just as hard as any of the big ones - enjoying every moment of being a part of something. Sometimes you get overwhelmed by them because you are so little and most of them are toddlers – bigger than you and you will scream to be rescued from the pack of toddlers when they swarm too thick about you.

You love to eat big person food. You will try anything and you are very observant. You look at the food really carefully as you try it and, if you don’t like it, you don’t pick it up again. Also, if you DO like the food, not only do you easily find more of it, but you hummmmm in appreciation of the food. Hmmmmmmm as you eat it. As though this yummy discovery just makes your motor purr.

Feeding your bottle to you has become a bit of a challenge. You are always wanting to turn your head to see what is going on so you can watch it. I certainly wouldn’t want you to miss out on anything! Also, the end to breastfeeding is just around the corner. You have started to bite me, so we are in the weaning process now. You certainly know sometimes what you are doing because you will pause and look at my face before you bite and then when I wince and tell you not to do that, you smile at me - seeming to understand you made that cause/effect happen and you are so happy to make the connection. Yes, definitely weaning... :)

You are always on the move now. You certainly wish your body allowed you to move faster than you already do. Sometimes I play a game with you and Jack where Jack takes off running and your legs start pumping in mid air as I hold you and you start breathing as though you are charging after him. I take the cue and charge after him holding you out in front of me while you just SCREEEEEEAM in excitement that you are chasing down your big brother. When we finally catch him, I will place you sitting on top of him and you usually pin him down with your little arms while you scream and put your mouth on his head in excitement of playing with your big brother whom you idolize more than anything else in this world. It’s so much fun to play and be a witness to this love and devotion.

Jack keeps saying that you are the cutest baby and he loves how chubby you are. I’d have to agree – you are the perfect amount of cute round smiling chubbiness.

You even have gotten to the point where you can play simple games with me – peekaboo with your blanket and we can roll a ball back and forth which is very exciting to you and you will SMILE BIG as I toss the ball to you or after you succeed in pushing it back to me.

We always read The BellyButton book at night and when I sing the Belly Button song on the second to last page, you always turn full around and face me with a smile growing on your face as you listen to my voice singing to you. Every time it happens that way – like you are so surprised to hear me singing – as though you never expected to hear my voice do that and you like it and smile at me afterwards for awhile before you turn back to the end of the story.

I wish I had it together enough to take pictures of all these things – to video tape all these things because I never ever ever want to forget them. They are memories that make my heart feel like it’s going to explode. My mother used to say she wanted to stop my baby sister from growing up. I do wish there was a way to hold onto these moments and relive them throughout life because these moments are so pure and joyful. And that's what you are. A Pure Joy.

Love,

Mommy

Gratuitous Cuteness

2010-02-28T21:20:00.012-06:00

Audrey,

Here are your 9 month old pictures taken today....

Love,

Mommy

Through any weather....

2010-02-25T15:18:00.006-06:00

Jack and Audrey,

The weather outside is cold here, but Daddy is up in the NY area trying to get home to us. He is on one of the only flights that haven't been cancelled. Here is a picture from his plane right now as he is waiting to take off.And here you see the yellow blur is the machine that clears the runway - this as your Daddy's plane is taxi-ing to leave.I just wanted to share this with you because your Daddy loves you and - well - they say a picture is worth a thousand words. That display of love brings tears to my eyes.

Love,

Mommy

Tantrum

2010-02-24T13:32:00.004-06:00

Jack,

Overall, I'd say that you and I have a good relationship - we communicate well and I think you "get" my parenting style - when I'm going to let something slide and when you better listen to me.

Last night was a cultural heritage night at your school. It kind of took me by surprise because I somehow missed all the announcements until yesterday morning. So I flew around at lunch yesterday, locating some loaves of Irish Soda Bread and marmalade which I was proud of getting and thus was prepared with contribution and all - even in spite of my disorganization. SCORE!!!

I don't really know what set the evening off, but I was late getting you. I arrived right at 6 because I had to get your sister, breastfeed her in private so I wouldn't be pulling one out in the middle of the school, and let the dogs out. Thus, I was late getting you. You were in a different room (this might have started things off - change is very anxiety producing for you) and you were watching a movie (which you never do at this school). Your eyes were big when I came to get you and you seemed really surprised with where you were and what was going on.

The night was really such a cute idea. Each room represented a specific country - a country that they had been learning about for the past month and done many projects on. Now tonight, all the projects and things you learned were on display in each room and the children were given "Passports" so you would go from room to room and learn about that country and get a stamp on your passport before going to the next country.

Everything fell apart in Africa. :)

You wanted to make a mask, but they were out of the paper plates needed to make one. You started to cry and were unconsolable. Over the course of the next five minutes of me trying to explain and turn this around, the crying turned into yelling that you wanted to make a MASK!

I had already explained that the plates were gone like a thousand times so I decided to try to ignore it and see if that worked, but you followed along after me screaming about wanting to make the mask, over and over again. I - with carefully controlled patience - would explain here and there about the plates being out. That we would make one later at home because we have plates at home and it would be fun.

More screaming and crying and yelling.

Now we are in line for food and parents are trying to get me to go in front of them because I so obviously have my hands full with you. You are now yelling about how you DON'T WANT THAT TO EAT, YOU WANT THAT!, DON'T LET AUDREY EAT THAT, and on and on and on.

I had to get out of line after a while because this was not working. I turned to find a place to sit and read on some parents faces "Oh, please don't sit with us" which I understood so I found a place for us to sit on the back wall on a couple of folding chairs. You followed after me with a purplish-red face, sobbing and yelling about how you wanted to sit at a table!!! I explained that we were NOT going to sit at a table and ruin anyone else's night with our screaming. You fell apart even further. You grabbed my fork when I tried to eat, you screamed and yelled. Finally, one of your friends and their family tried to join us - I think they wanted to see if they could help me. I politely explained that I didn't know what was happening but we were going to leave. You started in with more shrieking and crying that you DIDN'T WANT TO LEAVE!! NOOOOOOO!!!

There was a speaker that you were louder than so we exited the auditorium loudly - your cries carried up and down the empty halls as you screamed and sobbed about leaving the party, et al.

In the van, you started to settle down. You were still crying and whining, but I could talk to you now. I told you that we were going to have to think of a big punishment for you because your behavior had been completely unacceptable.

You got quiet and asked what the punishment would be. I told you I thought for the next 2 days, you couldn't use the computer or watch any TV. You were horrified about this, but I'm not sure you entirely believed me.

When we got home, I told you I would fix you a simple sandwich and carrot sticks but that was all, you would play quietly and then it was bedtime. While you ate, we talked about what had happened that night. I brought to your attention that other children after you had also not been able to make masks tonight and then I asked you if you had noticed any other children behaving the way that you had. You said that you hadn't. I told you that I wasn't very proud of your behavior and I was disappointed that the night had turned out like it had. You took this very hard. I asked you if YOU were proud of how you behaved. What you would have thought if one of your friends had done that. You said you weren't proud of it.

You kept asking me the rest of the night to be happy with you. It would have been easier to relent, but I wasn't going for easy. I explained to you that I LOVED you - that I would ALWAYS love you, no matter what. But that I wasn't happy with you at all right now. I said that I wasn't proud of how you behaved and when I'm not proud of your behavior, I'm not very happy with you right now.

It was important to me that you understood that I loved you always, but I couldn't brush aside what had happened or you wouldn't learn anything from it. Therefore, for the rest of the night when you asked if I was happy with you, I said "I love you very much, Jack, but I'm not very happy with your behavior tonight". I told you that you could make me, but more importantly YOURSELF proud of your behavior by trying really hard to make good choices and learning to control your body when you feel yourself becoming upset. You said that you would and demonstrated to me throughout the night that you understood. You were a great listener and you went out of your way to be thoughtful to me and to your sister.

I think that, although tonight was tough - the talk that came out of it and the experience of it may in the end be well worth the experience itself.

Funny how that works out, huh?

Love,

Mommy

Baby Shower Sentiment

2010-02-22T09:55:00.017-06:00

Jack,

This weekend I was struck with an inspirational moment. I had a baby shower gift for a friend/co-worker that I had just wrapped in plain brown paper and I needed to give Audrey a bottle of milk.

I called you over and asked you if you would color a pretty picture on the package for my friend. She was having a new baby - wasn't that exciting? And I would love it if you would color a picture for her to decorate her present.

You nodded solemnly and said "Okay, Mommy!" and set to coloring on the present.

I settled in to feed Audrey her bottle while you worked intently on your coloring and I mentally high-fived myself for coming up with such a fantastic and inspirational idea! You were so creative and enjoying the process and this would put a personal touch on the baby shower gift for my friend/co-worker.

After the bottle was done, you looked up excitedly and called me over to show me the picture you had drawn. You were very enthusiastic. I walked over and you showed me what you had created:"See, Mommy! It's a BATTLE! See this guy here?":"He's dead. And see this?!? It's a MOUNTAIN!":"And THESE guys are all falling off the mountain!":"And over HERE? THIS is a MONSTER!":

If there was a moment in parenthood where you could take a picture of my face - this would have been the ultimate Kodak moment. My mouth was hanging open and my eyes were bulging out at this picture as I took in all the mayhem at once.

You were proudly watching my face and I found myself stammering out an "ooooooooh, wow! This is...... WOW! Great job, Buddy......"

You smiled proudly, climbed down from the table and walked off to play with some toys.

I had a seat at the table, still looking at the picture, dumbfounded.

Moments later, though, and I'm starting to laugh. Boy, is my present at this shower going to be an original! :)

And what a statement this makes. "Welcome to parenthood, my friend! Oh, and the gift? It's a parachute! Best of luck!"

Love,

Mommy

Roomies

2010-02-17T16:07:00.005-06:00

Jack and Audrey are roommates now. This was accomplished this weekend. A rearrangement of Jack's bedroom created space for the crib which we reassembled and thus we have leaped into this new setup.Jack - you are thrilled. You are frequently afraid of the dark, so this scenario where you have someone in the room with you at night is welcomed by you.Forget the fact that she can just barely move herself from one spot to another. :) I'm sure she would be a perfect partner should things come down to mortal combat.Audrey - You hardly put up a fight about this. I really expected this transition to be more drawn out and difficult than it has been.Perhaps it has to do with the fact that you worship the ground that your brother walks on. When you see him approach you or catch a glimpse of him across the room, the excitement you experience can only be likened to that of a teenage girl in the presence of a rock star she worships - you let out the most excited scream and your little hands wave in the air and your legs kick in excitement - your whole face lit up with the energy of the wave of delight you are riding at seeing your brother. I laugh every time I witness this because if ever there was a picture of adoration - this is it.It's not to say that you don't wake up still in the night wanting a little milk or horrified to find that there isn't someone right next to you breathing, but the transition has been so much smoother than I had ever hoped it might be.

Thank you for that!

Love,

Mommy

For the Greater Good

2010-02-10T12:01:00.004-06:00

Audrey,

You got tubes the other day and you are doing so well. It was tough when you first came back because you were disoriented and appeared to be in pain, but after sleeping, you felt better.

Yesterday you had some pain when you would cough or burp. The cough or burp would occur and you would flinch and look at me with great surprise like someone had sucker punched you and you simply couldn't believe it. Then you would cry and I would hug you and console you until you were okay again.

This morning, it's amazing - you seem back to yourself already if that's possible.

I wonder if this is like when a blister pops. Initially it hurts like crazy, but once it scabs over, you almost forget about it. I'm no doctor, but I wonder if this is why you are doing so well so fast?

Your doctor did confirm that you had thick cloudy fluid behind your eardrum when they drained it and that you definitely had another infection. You are on new strong antibiotics to take care of this, but you don't mind taking the medicine at this point and the end is in sight.

I love you - I know this is the best for you! You are just amazing, Little Girl!

Love,

Mommy

P.S. - your brother was able to make you smile and squeal right off when you got home. Surgery Schmurgery. Jack ROCKS! :)

Dadada.... Dadada..... Dadadaaaaaaaa da da

2010-01-16T14:15:00.011-06:00

If that title comes out sounding like baby babble and ALSO a little bit like the Mission Impossible theme, that's no mistake.

I hate that it's been so long since I wrote anything about what it's like these past months raising you and Jack because it's always such a wild journey that I know I'm missing a million things, but lately it feels like there simply isn't time for anything but watching the two of you.

Sometimes I feel like I'm a passenger in life and I'm riding in a vehicle - I don't know the speed, I have no idea where it's headed and I can't do anything about any of that because I'm in charge of the other two passengers who happen to both be a little INSANE! :)

Audrey,

You have had five ear infections and you are only 7 months. Next up - ENT appt. We'll be having you checked out by a doctor to see if he recommends tubes.

Yet, in spite of all the ear infections you have had, you are such a happy baby! You love people, you love Jack, you love animals, you love just about anything. You are sitting up on your own and you will busily play with toys - pulling objects out of containers can keep you entertained for quite awhile. EVERYTHING goes into your mouth right now. You LOVE eating paper - you can and do eat any paper you can find. There is a big bite mark on a party invitation Jack got from a preschool friend that is on our refrigerator now. You only have two teeth so you manage to get the paper to rip right off with the sheer force of the amount of saliva that you come at the paper with. You salivate so much when you chew on paper that it's instantaneously changed to pulp and falls right into your mouth when I try to tug it out. Jeeeeez. I hope it's good fiber and not too much bleach/chemicals/dyes, etc, because you are getting more than your fair share of diet straight from trees.

You love to give big slobbery opened mouth kisses. The kind that leaves the receivers face wet with saliva and snot, yet somehow smiling because of the adorable smile and pudgy hands that reach out - the package that the kiss comes in is absolutely irresistable.

You are very attached to me - I have become an extension of you. You can't get around like you want to or pick up everything you want to, etc, and I'm the extension of you that enables you to do that. I guess I am food and comfort and safety and you'd rather be with those things than without. You will play on the ground as long as you feel me sitting with you - or sit in my lap and smile and talk to others, but the minute I get up and walk away from you, you turn around and look at me with the saddest face as if to say "why did you leave me?"

I'm pretty susceptible to it and have to work on:

Letting you cry it out in your crib a little before rescuing you
Let you cry it out in your high chair (without setting you in my lap for dinner)
Letting you cry it out in the carseat (you HATE the carseat and I get SO stressed out when you are melting down in the car because there is nothing I can do about it)

You only have two teeth - both in front - on one top and one on bottom - but you are trying most any food you can. Soft carrots, soft potatoes, avacado, bananas, apples, grapes, bread, rolls, on and on and on. You are more than thrilled to be given the opportunity to eat something off of the plate of a big person. You bring it to your mouth slowly memorizing what it looks like and as you gnaw on it slowly, a smile spreads across your face as you seem to be saying "look at me - I'm a real person just like you!"

At the exact same time that you are developing into this little person, Jack is just as magnificent as ever as a brother - he loves you more than I could ever describe. He doesn't want you to smile at anyone else more than you smile at him. He yells to bring your eyes to him, he does dances in your face so you will coo at him, he asks me to bring you to him and a wet baby kiss from you is enough to move him into a giggle fit.

There are times when he is sometimes a little jealous, too.

Jack,

Honey, you are the best big brother I could have imagined! You LOVE your baby Audrey!

You have nicknamed Audrey "Hedgie" and she calls you BAAAABAAA, so I have nicknamed up Bubba. Bubba and Hedgie. What a pair! :)

You recently had a sleep over with Grandma Rose and she was touched when you asked where Grandpa Rose's toothbrush was. She replied that she has put it away and so you had her describe it to you because you just had to know what his tooth brush looked like.

Yesterday, you made the joke of pretending that Playdough Poop was flying out of Audrey's butt and I laughed so hard I almost peed myself.

You are in love with the show: VeggieTales and speak a lot about forgiveness and ask questions about God and where things came from and what it all means. Many times I'm only able to answer "That's a good question. I don't know, Jack!"

I'm starting to think this is reinforcing your suspicion that I don't know what I'm talking about 95% of the time.

You were so sure I didn't know what I was talking about this morning when I told you not to walk with your eyes closed that you ran smack into a wall when I wasn't looking. I told you that sometimes Mommy's know what they are talking about and you replied with "next time, we should just hold hands so that doesn't happen."

You can draw like no other child in your class - remarkably recognizable people and dogs and you even drew a picture of Bob and Larry (from VeggieTales, of course)...

When you absolutely HAVE to do something and you don't want to, you angrily speak very loudly about how you will NEVER, EVER EVER EVER EVER DO THIS, NEVER - while you are putting one foot in front of the other to do that very thing - like go to school.

If you have more personality, honey, your little body wouldn't be able to hold it!

Love,

Mommy

Up at 3 AM and so, for no other reason, I bring you: Twilight: So the Lion Fell In Love with the Lamb

2009-11-14T15:16:00.002-06:00

Audrey,

Us parents get a little wacky sometimes when the littles get us up at 3AM.

Case in point:

........
I have no words.

Too long

2009-10-01T19:44:00.002-06:00

Jack and Audrey,

It's been too long since I signed on. With so much going on every minute of every day, it's horrible when I stop to consider how many "moments" that I've loved will be lost because I couldn't find a minute to stop and write about them.

Audrey - yesterday you turned four months old and you haven't stopped impressing me from the minute you were born. You are such a smiley little chatterbox. So content with having anyone talk to you - just thrilled to be receiving their attention and watching their face as they respond to you.

You are reaching and grabbing for toys now. You are still pretty clumsy at it, but you are getting better and better. You are so focused as your hand shakily reaches towards the objects. It all happens so painstakingly slowly that your brother Jack is now onto this and seems to have half an eye on you at all time, judging your proximity to whatever toy he is playing with to see if he needs to rescue it from your grasp.

I'm constantly trying to lobby for you, but then you'll go and cram a car in your mouth and, when Jack retrieves the car, bathed in saliva - I can tell that you are going to have trouble the next time you want to look at something again.

Jack - where to even begin? I think the place to start is to talk about your recent venture into drawing. You are becoming quite an artist! I would say that you started out shyly enough. I tihnk you were afraid to try to draw because you were terrified that a drawing would come out less than perfect and you got plenty frustrated with early tries, but now you draw complex pictures with ease and even illustrated a book that the two of us wrote together. I have yet to bind it and give it to you so we can read it together, but I am very impressed with it and with you.

We've taken to watching America's Funniest Home Videos with you and it's a blast to watch you react to these videos much less the videos themselves. You actually got very angry watching a video where a child threw up on a birthday cake. You said "That's STUPID! That's STUPID! I DON'T LIKE THAT! He should have MOVED away from the cake!"

Apparently the unfairness of the destruction of the delicious cake was more than you could tolerate.

You also are less than impressed with videos where an animal knocks a child over. I can almost see you glaring at Hercules.

Michael Jackson recently passed away and, in that occurrence, the sudden exposure to all the music that I always loved by him has been reawakened in me. I listen to his music a lot and I'm seeing you start to like it also. Sometimes, I show you the videos on Utube. Only yesterday you told me that the kids at school were throwing grass at you and thinking they could beat you up, so you Beat It - like Michael Jackson says to just walk away from a fight.

Yes - I've been using Michael Jackson songs to teach you lessons about life.

I need to get better with the balance of things because I want you to remember these things and I know I never want to forget a single moment.

Love,

Mommy

Back to School

2009-08-18T11:55:00.002-06:00

Jack,

Today you went for your first day at your new preschool, the ECEC. I have fretted and stewed about the decision to switch you. The center you were at was good, but I had some issues with some of the teachers and felt that this new center had a lot more structure and would be good for you before moving onto Kindergarten. Plus, it's a little more challenging. I think you are up for that as I think sometimes you got bored at your old center.

When I dropped you off, the breakfast table was already full and you were seated at a table by yourself for breakfast so I joined you and kept you company while you ate. Afterwards, you were shy as the children headed to their centers and you held back picking out solitary toys to play with and watching the other kids. I wanted so badly to help you and couldn't resist asking a few kids their names before I headed towards the door so you would know a few names and wouldn't feel like everything was too strange. There was a Henry and a Brian and a girl name Charlotte. She was less than kind when you asked her name twice she said "I'm not telling you!"

Your feelings were hurt and you looked at me and I couldn't help myself. I said "ooooooooh - so you don't have a name, huh?" She looked at me incredulously and said "YEEEEES! I DOOOOO have a name! I just not telling you!" So I pushed it a little further: "No, you must not have a name or you would" "IT'S CHARLOTTE!" "Charlotte? Oh! That's a really pretty name! We love the movie Charlotte's Web, don't we Jack? See, Jack? Her name is Charlotte."

I was going to be gosh darned if she was going to start your first day off like that....!

Audrey,

I met your teacher last night at the WCCC. I was nervous because Jack just left the center and I want to be sure you are getting the best we can give you. In the interview with the teacher, I was quick to share that, too. I told her that safety is definitely first importance, but I'm really concerned that I be happy about our choice to have you at the center. Turns out your teacher, who is also named Audrey, has been with the center for five years and started out volunteering at the center so she could spend time with the babies and they insisted on hiring her. She pulled in several parents whose children she has taught since they were your age and they insisted that I've drawn a lucky straw in getting Audrey as your teacher - that she is the best.

I'm, therefore, very optimistic about both of your school futures. It's more positive than I'm used to being because I'm the eternal worrier!

Jack, I think your friends will get to know you and LOVE you and the structure and challenge at the new center will be great for you.

Audrey, I think that your teacher will be nurturing and caring and I'll be sure to talk to her regularly to make sure I feel good about everything you get - stimulation, being talked to, etc.

I promise to be both of your best advocates!

Love,

Mommy

Is this an Abbott and Costello routine?

2009-08-17T23:06:00.002-06:00

Jack,

Tonight was very interesting. Daddy is travelling and we spent a whole day together at the Magic House and then meeting Audrey's teacher.

I was going to put Audrey down for the night which is usually when you need me - when I'm trying to get her to sleep.

"Mommmeeee! Can I have a snack?"
"In a minute!"
"WHAT?"
"IN A MINUTE!"
"CAN I HAVE A BANANA?"
(sigh)
"YES! BRING IT TO ME AND I'LL OPEN IT OKAY?"
"'KAY, MOMMY!"
(return to what I'm doing)
*****
(minutes later I hear grunting)
"Mommy - this Pineapple is SOOOOOO heavy!"
"OH! Don't bring the Pinapple, Jack! Bring the banana and I'll open it for you!"
"Okay."
"Do you have the banana?"
"Yes. I have one for me and two for you."
Sound of dropping and grunting.
I head to the top of the stairs and my jaw is hanging open as I watch you climbing the stairs carrying six bananas in your hands and dropping them on each step. Every time you bent over to pick up another one that fell, another slipped out.
(exasperated)"Jack! Just pick one banana and bring it to me. I don't want one."
"You don't want one? Do you want one in five minutes?"
"No. I'll get those, just pick one and bring it to me."
(Audrey is screaming in my arms by now)
"Okay, Mommy. This one looks good!"
As you proudly hold out the chosen banana and step forward towards me, you step directly on another banana and I am so amazed and frustrated by it all that it suddenly becomes funny. I give you the banana and go back to finish resettling Audrey for bed. When I come back down, you have picked the bananas off the floor, but there are still pineapple leaves everywhere and I can only imagine the parts of the story that I missed.

You are so great!

Love,

Mommy

Boring

2009-08-10T20:03:00.002-06:00

There hasn't been much this summer that we have missed out on experience-wise.

In addition to road trips to Chicago and Wisconsin, we have been to the Lake, the Zoo, the Magic House, Purina Farms, Grants Farm, The Science Center, the City Museum and just about any place fun for children.

Last Thursday, we even took both of you kids to Six Flags for the first time for both of you.

Jack had such a blast - a full day at the park! He went on the log flume twice - once with each of us - the pictures cracked me up! I was screaming and laughing and Jack - your face was filled with the dread and horror of the inevitable end of your life. I wanted to buy it so bad, but the $10 price tag for the one small photo scared me off and now I'm haunted by the fact that I didn't get it. I still remember the number of the picture: 24353 and I NEVER remember that stuff. Damn! I should have gotten it! It was priceless!

Oh, well. Woulda, shoulda, coulda - I guess.

This Saturday, due to the temperature, I got creative with ideas for what we could do with you and decided we would go to the Art Museum. I told you about the Mummies that they had on display where you could see X-rays of the bones of them inside of their sarcophoguses (sp?).

We took you both to the museum and walked through many displays and saw the mummies. We made our way out at the end and home for lunch. When we walked into the house, you turned to both of us and said "That was SO BOOOOOOOORING!" "Wasn't that boring?!?!" "That was SOOOOOOOO boring!"

That made me laugh. It reminds me of my own feelings about the Art Museum when I was younger, but it also made me think how it's absolutely inevitable that you would feel that way.

Look how high we've set the bar!

Love,

Mommy

Formal pics

2009-08-06T12:20:00.003-06:00

Jack and Audrey,

I got your pictures taken and love them so much!

Here is Audrey at 2 months:

Here is Jack at 4 1/2 years:

I love you guys!

Love,

Mommy

Webkins

2009-07-29T12:22:00.000-06:00

Jack,

You have discovered Webkins.... AND HOW!

Good lord! You have greatly increased your abilities to play around on the computer and till now it was confined to educational games, but you have received your first Webkins Stuffed animals from Daddy and myself and have fallen deeply in love.

Your animals, a guinae pig which you named Jack Rose and a puppy that you named Bridget (Awwww - thank you!), are your most prized possessions now and you take them everywhere you go and gush about Webkins to your friends and whenever you see them in the store or on the computer.

I remember those feelings for my Cabbage Patch Dolls when I was young. They were as strong as the feelings I had for actual people and I can see this is the same for you.

You watch the scales of health and happiness of your Webkin online and are good about feeding him, taking him to the vet and even signing him up for classes and, of course, playing games with him.

It's really cute! Looks like you are getting the ideas on pet ownership virtually before we even encounter them in the flesh.

Love,

Mommy

Down on the Farm

2009-07-27T20:06:00.022-06:00

Jack and Audrey,

Once a year, there is a family reunion down on the farms in Wisconsin. Good Ole Dodgeville, WI.

Your great Grandmother Jane is from Wisconsin and the family farm is still there - changed, but still there as well as the farms around that contain the extended family. A warmer and more inviting group of people you will never meet. I love our family in Dodgeville, Wisconsin!

We headed up to Wisconsin last Wednesday in the evening. Clay had a work meeting up there and we stayed in a very nice hotel. I had no idea that the pool they had would be so nice.

When we walked into the pool area - I was blown away - it was so full of fun things - pool, etc - that we were thrilled. It was like a swim park in the hotel and there was no one there but us while Clay was working.

Jack and I were so excited that we were going to get to play there all day. It was like stumbling on a winning lottery ticket.It even had these KABOOM machines where you press them down and it makes explosions in specific parts of the pool! REALLY?!?! That's so cool!And we were the only ones there.I didn't think it could get any cooler and then, we saw this:

When we pushed it....And saw this:UNREAL! Who gets this lucky? Stumbles on a hotel with a water park inside of it and there's no one else there but you and your kids?FANTASTIC!This is a cute little crab that spit water that you enjoyed.You called her "Girlie".

I brought Audrey into the pool with us once.It was the first time that I thought I saw uncertainty in your eyes.This is the best I could do with taking pictures because it was just me and you guys since Daddy was working and I couldn't get better shots,but you can definitely tell you aren't sure about what is happening here.I did get a cute smile - as you always seem to have one ready for me!

Ultimately, though, you have this possum reflex. I don't know if it's based in self preservation, but when you aren't comfortable or overwhelmed or overstimulated, you sleep. So you, Audrey, fell asleep anytime we were in or around the pool and would wake up the minute we left. Therefore, these are the only pool pictures I have with you in them.

We spent the rest of the morning at the pool together playing and it was fantastic.Daddy joined us later that afternoon for a dip and you unwittingly put him in time out in the hot tub which he went along with. You felt the "burning water" would be punishment. I wonder why he look so happy about it?

That afternoon we headed to downtown Madison's Children's Museum and had a blast there.Here you are planting vegetables in the garden.BOTH of you.

You wanted to know what vegetable this was. Hmmmmm.... ???? Daddy said Green Onion?You guys put on a puppet show for Audrey and me.They also had a great block version of downtown Madison that you had a blast playing with.

We all had such a wonderful time!Audrey - you are getting used to the camera by now and quickly get very serious when you see it focused on you. You see the flash of the red eye feature before the camera takes a picture and your animated face gets very serious so it's getting harder to capture those smiles and expressions that you are constantly showing us at this age. Here are some of those fabulous expressions that we captured while at the Museum:

Okay - we went a little click happy here, but you find yourself doing stuff like that when there's a baby involved....Our next stop was the state capital in Madison. What a beautiful place! I had no idea!

Afterwards, we ate lunch at a nice little outdoor cafe in downtown Madison..

This picture is pretty self expanatory....

Daddy took some pictures of us at lunch:

What a four year old REALLY thinks of Mom gushing over the baby....

2009-07-20T11:20:00.002-06:00

Chicago - the Road trip, not the musical

2009-07-18T19:53:00.002-06:00

Jack and Audrey,

We recently got back from a trip to Chicago. I think that the bright idea blossomed as so many do in the best case scenario images in the mind. The idea of getting away to a nice hotel where there were new activities to do with the kids, staying in the city and having breakfast made for us in the mornings, etc. - it all sounds so great, doesn't it?
Truth is - it really was that great, but the little details ground you sometimes. For example, who would have forseen that you, Jack, would have major nosebleeds spraying blood across pillows and sheets so that I'm sure the maids wondered which closet they would find the body in when they came to clean the room.

Also, Audrey, you had one of your worst baby sleeping episodes ever when I so intelligently mixed overstimulating you with coffees in the morning and spinach in my omelet, too, as well as more than a healthy daily dose of cheese. You were in agony and cried, farted and spit up throughout the night broken up only by waking to the bloodbath that your brother was experiencing, so we had it all - poop, puke, blood and pee.Also, I know so many things have changed over the course of time so that you can generally say that our lives are made easier than our parents were by the conveniences we have, but I have to say that the road trip has gotten harder. We have very important safety laws now that keep you and your sister securely fastened throughout the entire length of a car trip, but I remember trips with my parents where we were scattered throughout our moving vehicle, sometimes sleeping on the seats, but sometimes sleeping on the raised area behind the seats or on the floor of the car, or anywhere we could squeeze and there was much hopping around from one seat to the other and climbing in the "way back" and playing games and movement. All that seemed to help with the torture of a child when they are not able to move for extended periods of time and the near explosion of energy that they become by the time they are finally able to break free of confines and move again.Sure, we have DVD players in the cars, but this is not a new item to kids nowadays, so the novelty? It's kind of worn off.But our trip was very fun - exhausting - but very fun! :) We drove till bedtime and woke the next morning to a great breakfast of anything we wanted (you chose a pink donut amongst other things, but that was the big attraction to breakfast for you), and then we headed to the Chicago Children's Museum and took a ride on the big Ferris Wheel on Navy Pier (we had to pay for a ticket for Audrey - really! A six week old baby required a full price ticket!), we walked through the city and got ice cream for Jack and the next day, we spent at Shedds Aquarium until we left later that afternoon.The whole trip was really tremendous because the sleeplessness and the nosebleeds? They would have happened at home, too. And the car ride torture? We got creative. A wonderful family vacation and I'm very excited for the next!

Love,

Mommy

Somebody somewhere loves me an awful lot

2009-07-08T12:24:00.004-06:00

Jack and Audrey,

All I can say is that somebody somewhere must love me an AWFUL lot for me to be this fortunate.

It's enough to reduce me to tears sometimes - having this much love in my heart - it just spills over.

Audrey - you were smiling from three weeks, but these pictures were from July 1st, just one month old and you are already engaging people, smiling, cooing, even a little baby giggle.

Jack - you are the very best big brother I could have hoped you would be. You blow my mind constantly. Thank you!

I really do think I'm the luckiest person alive.

Love,

Mommy

Thank you

2009-06-22T21:10:00.004-06:00

Jack and Audrey,

I always knew that the transition from one to two would be a little rough. I guess I wasn't certain on how rough the sleep deprivation would be at this older age. It hasn't been easy. But the two of you have been wonderful.Audrey - you have such moments of clarity, even from just a few days old. You are looking around, taking in all the sights you can soak up. The late nights get wiped away so fast in these moments.And Jack - you wake up sometimes in the middle of the night, but more often than not, you sleep through. You are so tender and sweet with your baby sister. Gentle touches on the back of her head since you know that she has the soft spot on the front of her head. You kiss and hug her so gently it's as though you are afraid that she is made of egg shells and aren't taking any chances that she might break.

Also, with the lesser amounts of energy that I have and the time struggle of juggling responsibilities, you are incredibly resourceful. We found games online that you became very proficient at as well as typing in Microsoft Word, so your Daddy picked up some educational games and you have blown us away from there. You can type your name on the computer keyboard and navigate through numbers and matching and other challenging programs barely by batting an eye.

I had an incident at 3 weeks where I passed a very large blood clot with you present. It was scary. Very suddenly, I felt a pop and there was blood - lots of it. I was there with you both, Jack and Audrey, but only you - Jack - were aware of what had happened. You saw more than I would have wanted you to. I had you look in my eyes and I told you - "look at me, Jack. You can tell that Mommy isn't hurt, right? This is just because Mommy had a baby." You could tell by my face that I was okay and so you were, too.

You are so strong and so am I - because of you, your Daddy, and Audrey. My family makes me strong and the early days here of the sleep deprivation will pass and I'll find my groove. I know it. Thank you.

Love,

Mommy

The Perfect Size

2009-06-17T12:18:00.000-06:00

So, we got a new minivan! Yes, we now are minivan owners. We surprised Jack by not really discussing it beforehand.

We recently went on a trip to the Lake and found that the car is insufficient for travel with two children and two adults when you add in the presence of the two dogs. Thus, the van is now here. We traded in Daddy's Silver Car as you, Jack, call it, but I don't think you are too upset.

The minute you saw the van, you declared that it's the Perfect Size! and you climb around in it anytime you are able which includes anytime we are headed somewhere and you haven't been belted in yet. There is much nagging to get you out of the back and into your seat once you have bolted to the back for the fun of it.

I think I'm going to love van ownership! I certainly know that you do, Jack!

Love,

Mommy

Audrey meets the whole damn fam

2009-06-15T12:16:00.005-06:00

Audrey meets.... Cousin AnnelieseAunt Suzy Aunt Lisa Uncle Matt (check out your brother in the background. He's all You think that baby is cool? Let's see her do THIS!)Cousin Amber

Uncle Steve (Don't ask him to deliver anything for you....) :)Aunt Terry

Grandma Mary

Grandma Rose

Your closest girl cousin Daphne (although the third musketeer is due in October)

Your Cousins Lisa and Hannah

Yes, I did dress you in matching Simpson's outfits. I stand by the fact that Mother knows best and it's CUTE! :)

Cousin Sarah

Aunt Mary

Your other Aunt Lisa

Poppa Dough

GG Dougherty

And many, many more not pictured like the Shanks, Kelly and Bobby, and just about every boy cousin and Uncle you possess. You really have met the whole damn fam and have fallen in love with the lot of them!

Love,

Mommy

Juggling Two

2009-06-10T09:14:00.001-06:00

"This is my Baby Sister Audrey"

"Okay, Mom! That's enough!" Or was it just "Hi!"? :)

Cute little Larvae

2009-06-05T08:50:00.001-06:00

New Addition

2009-06-03T13:22:00.000-06:00

Jack and Audrey,

The day has come and gone and three have become four. What sweet addition that is!Welcome to the family, Audrey!Your due date was May 27th and, like your brother before you, you were late. Also like your brother before you, it took an eviction notice from the womb to get you here. :)You were scheduled for induction on Friday, May 29th. I woke with barely any sleep (up by 4AM so excited to have you) and the hospital postponed your induction. I threw my own personal pity party with an invitation of one and cried away most of the morning. This pregnancy became pretty uncomfortable by the end - I felt sick all the time, I was swollen beyond belief and I was uncomfortable and in pain most of the time, but no labor.Finally, I decided that was useless and so Clay and I headed out to lunch with Jack. It had been a long morning and no call to come in so we decided not to wait around anymore.The call from the hospital finally came around 2. We packed up Jack with his overnight bag and went to Grandma Mary's where he spent the rest of the evening and the night while we headed to the hospital. I was in the room with the Pitosin drip by 4:30. By 9:30, there still wasn't much progress, so I started to ask myself what I could do. I am not a big person when it comes to pain, but I put up the head of the bed and put down the feet of the bed and by 12:30AM March 30th, I had progressed to 4 cm dilated. I called my Dad and told him, and he said that he probably had a couple more hours so I should call him back.I needed this to happen faster so I asked the nurse what else I could do and she suggested sit indian style until I was ready. By 1:05 or so, I was in a lot of pain and the nurse confirmed I was at 10 cm. I called Dad and he arrived in 14 minutes and my Doctor shortly after. I started pushing and Audrey arrived at 1:27AM on May 30th. What a beautiful baby you are, Audrey! You reminded me immediately of your brother. There are differences between the two of you, of course, but at this point in time, it's kind of hard to pinpoint what they are. Jack loved you right from the first moment he saw you. He wanted to bring you home right away. He explained to Daddy that Mommy's have to stay at the hospital, but the babies can go home. So it was fine if I was a missing component, but you needed to be with him. You have won over all of us with your grunts and squeaks and you are quickly upset if you are hungry and the food isn't immediately there in your hungry little mouth.You are incredibly alert for such a little one! Of course, you are entranced by light and dark contrasts and you are quick to find those and stare, but you do also seem to notice the shapes people's faces and will occassionally try out a cute little coo that melts me. Jack is smitten, doesn't want the other children in his room to touch you and he's very careful with you, wanting to snuggle and kiss you and help you by bringing you your binky or your teddy bear. We are all very lucky to have you in our family, Audrey, and are so excited that you are here!Love,

Mommy

Don Juan

2009-05-15T08:38:00.001-06:00

Jack,

Last night was your daycare’s school picnic which basically consisted of you and your friends playing on a playground at the park with a snowcone truck at everyone’s disposal.

It was a wonderful evening! The temperature was wonderful and there was something magnificent to you about seeing all your classmates in the playground setting with parents present while you were topped off with sugar.

It’s actually the first time that I saw you actually approach a little girl.

There’s a little girl in your class who is kind of bigger and older than most of the girls in the class. You had picked a little clover out of the grass and you brought it over to her and held it out saying: “Here, Mathilda. Hi, I’m Jack Rose.”

It was so sweet, the tentative extending of the flower to this little girl and how you seemed shy and introduced yourself even though you’ve been going to class with her for the last year.

Mathilda looked at the little clover and walked over to another boy in your class right in front of you and handed the flower to Connor who just looked at it like Great. Now what am I supposed to do with this?

You watched this happen but weren’t put off by it. You picked another clover and brought it to Mathilda again and gave it to her. She gave this one to Connor, too.

At this point you stopped picking flowers for her, but you followed her and her friends around the playground trying to play with the group. They didn’t really seem to acknowledge you, but you didn’t mind. You just played the games they were playing next to them, working to be included into the group. They were building castles in the sand.

Eventually another group of three girls from your room would run over and stomp the castles and run off. These two groups quickly paired off against each other. The three girls that were destroying the castles were giggling and running about and the other group that Mathilda was a part of were just getting upset with them. You quickly realized that the other group seemed more fun and you changed allegiance and followed the other group of girls. They were more inclusive of you, but still seemed focused more on each other. Finally, one of the girls from that group broke away and the two of you headed over to the playground together.

You and Addy began climbing the equipment together to go down the slide. You were laughing and giggling with each other and it was absolutely adorable. After awhile, this game developed where Addy was climbing up the slide and you went to the top and reached down to try to help her. You were both laughing and giggling. At one point you were able to help pull her to the top and you said to me “Mommy! I helped save the Princess!” Addy was beaming at being referred to as the Princess and I felt my heart just fill with love at how sweet this moment was!

You both continued to play together way past bedtime – I just couldn’t be the one to put an end to such a sweet game. By now you had given up pulling her up the slide and would allow her to drag you down the slide and you would both go down together, holding hands and tumbling over each other to the bottom where you would both be giggling and laughing before doing it again. (At one time when you got to the top of the slide with Addy, there were two girls at the top and you pushed the one on your side down and then the one on Addy’s side down so that you guys could play. I was embarrassed, but found myself thinking that at least you were thoughtful enough to get the kid out of Addy’s way, too…..)

When we left, you were beyond exhausted and the bedtime routine was insane, but it was all so worth it to see that you had chosen a friend who chose you back.

Love,

Mommy

The Final Countdown

2009-05-14T15:28:00.002-06:00

Jack,

The days are numbered for the three of us. Before long it will be four.I feel like I want to say something to you about this.I never knew how much I would love being a mother and the challenges that I would face. How much I would worry over every decision because I saw them all as having such consequence to you. It didn’t matter if the consequence was perhaps a small one. Nothing is small if it affects you.Recently your class hatched some baby ducks and your immediate tenderness with them is really something to witness. You gently touch them and speak so sweetly to them – it makes tears come to my eyes. I’ve seen this gentleness between you and your two favorite pets at home: Darla and Hercules.

You are such a sweet little boy, Honey! How can I possibly show you how much I love you?As Audrey’s birth has been approaching, Clay’s travel has decreased and you are LOVING this. We have been having some separation issues in the morning but your Dad being present has helped make these issues less severe. He has a way that is so different from my own and you need that new approach. You warm to it.

The other day, you put your pants on backwards and Daddy told you that your “Butt Balloon” was in the front. You laughed so hard, I thought you would fall over. Now you demand that he say that to you over and over again. I tried to surprise you with that comment last night and called it your “Balloon Butt” and you kind of looked at me and I remembered my own poor Mom trying on the Daddy jokes sometimes and messing them up and I had a new-found sympathy for her position.You also love Daddy’s joke about “what does one chicken say to another chicken?” and then he gets up in your face and emits a loud “BAAAAAAAAAWK!” and you laugh and laugh!

The other night we were watching our goodnight story and you choose sometimes to play games with Daddy instead of watching the bedtime story – and you snuggled up next to him and it was so sweet, I thought I would burst into tears. I’m so lucky!

I can’t believe I – we ALL are – about to get even luckier!

Love,

Mommy

Sunrise

2009-04-06T14:50:00.002-06:00

Jack,

I’m so sad.

I dropped you off at school this morning and it was a particularly cold day. It was starting to snow and I hadn’t brought your coat, so I headed home to get it.

On my way back to your school, as I was approaching the turn into your school’s drive, and I saw a couple of dogs running out of an apartment complex’s entry/exit. They were bounding in the street – absolutely euphoric – and you could almost read their minds as they bounced across the street - I’m free! I’m free!

Then this car in front of me hits one of the dogs.

The driver never even slowed down. Didn’t even tap the brakes – no lights came on at all. And, afterwards, just kept driving – as though there was no reason to stop. Like the driver had run over a piece of garbage. Nothing worth being held up over.

I pulled up in front of the dog, hit my emergency flashers and was out of the car. The dog was in convulsions on the street and there was blood coming out of her mouth.

I started crying and ran back to my car for the phone. I managed to get the number off the dogs collar as she was lying in the street and called the number which was hard because my hands were shaking so bad.

I called and got a voice message and start sobbing on this ladies machine about how her dog, Sunrise, is dying in the street and I didn’t do it and the nearest intersection and what happened and I didn’t know what we were going to do about her dog and I’d call her back and, well, I was just hysterical.

I can’t even imagine what I must have looked like. Here I am – without a coat – standing in the middle of Laclede Station Road. It’s snowing and my car is parked at a green light with me standing right in front of it. I’m 7 ½ months pregnant and there is a bleeding, convulsing dog at my feet and I’m sobbing – having a complete breakdown and I’m just imploring other people with my eyes to please not hit me and help me.

A nice off duty police officer – an older man – pulled over and told me that the dog was dead. By now, the dog did seem to be emitting a death rattle. He was worried about the crazy pregnant lady having the mental breakdown in the middle of the street. He spoke slowly and calmly to me about needing to get me out of the street. I was sobbing and kept saying “but… the dog!”

He reached down, grabbed the dog by the collar and dragged it over to the side of the street. As soon as Sunrise was out of traffic, I jumped in my car, pulled it into the nearest spot that I could safely park on a side street and ran back to the dog and the officer and started to describe the vehicle. I’m sure he thought I’d lost my mind. Here I am insisting that the driver was in a four door white car and that they didn’t even stop. Didn’t even tap the brakes!

I think about our little dog, Hercules, that gets out occasionally and in exactly this same manner. As though it’s a holiday! Feeling completely invincible and bouncing around the world enjoying no limits. The idea that all that energy could be snuffed out so fast has always scared me sick when he does this, but he is always so brimming over with life and has so much trust that nothing could happen, that you almost believe it. You almost believe the worst that could happen is he gets further than he knows how to get back and winds up lost. But, no... this was the worst that could happen.

Anyway, before I knew it, there was another guy and a lady with us and they were trying to get me to put on this coat that I was clutching for Jack, and I was saying “I can’t wear that! It’s for a four year old!” Eventually, the other man that was there told me that they were going to take care of everything – call the owners, make sure the dog was picked up – and that I should leave and take care of myself.

So, I headed back to Jack’s school to drop off his coat for the day. I was trying to pull myself together but my face was red and blotchy and by this time I’d been standing on the street in front of his school crying for about 30 minutes with Sunrise as she bled – and all these parents and teachers were passing me on their way to the daycare. So, when I came into the center to drop off the coat, a teacher came up to me and said “honey, don’t feel bad. It could happen to anyone – it’s hard to stop when a dog runs out in the street…” and I started bawling all over again! I was saying “I didn’t do it! It was this lady! She just kept going!” and before I knew it I was retelling it to anyone who would listen that I didn’t hurt Sunrise. And I got so upset I pushed your coat (Jack) into a teacher’s hands that I recognized and said that I was just bringing your coat to you and I didn’t want to upset you and to make sure you got your coat and then I was rushing out of the daycare with tears running down my face and looking so dramatic that you’d think I was in terrible pain or something. I’m sure I scared the crap out of every parent I passed coming in…..

When I pulled out, Sunrise was lying in the grass on the side of the road and everyone had left her. She was dead by then.

So, I’m trying to work through the day – I’m exhausted as anyone who has cried a lot and for a long period of time knows – and I’m not making much sense.

I guess I'm blogging about this because it's made a big impression on me and I can't seem to let it go. Maybe this will help.

I just hope Sunrise isn’t there when I go to pick you up, because I don’t think I can hold it together for that.

Love,

Mommy

4

2009-03-15T19:51:00.013-06:00

Jack,

Is four the final door to close on toddlerhood? I have a definite opinion that it is.

Look at you!

Baby curls lengthening into thicker boyish strandsYou don’t own a single pair of pants where the knee on at least one side isn’t ripped to shreds

You go through a pair of shoes every two weeks, but we only replace them every four
You seem to have a catalog of back-talk that grows every day – due to an uncanny ability to notice comebacks in shows or movies that we see and you fire them off at me and I’m never ready. It’s getting SO hard not to laugh sometimes except my Mom internal imaging allows me to see the bigger picture like IMMEDIATELY and I can imagine where you saying that at school won’t fly at all. Laughter suppressed if only for the greater good of humanity. (although my eyes still twinkle at Daddy while I sternly repeat what you just said and he has to turn and walk away so you can’t see the laughing although I can see the shoulder shaking and know what it means.)
You fly along on your scooter like you’re Tony Hawk on a skateboard and have dinged up your helmet enough times to make me religious…
You tell jokes that are improving greatly over time. Last night, I put you to sleep in my body pillow which you always ask for by saying “Mommy, can I sleep in your pregnancy?” How can one resist that? You look like a little bird curled up in a nest in that thing and I’ve taken to saying “goodnight Little Bird”. Last night you answered “hey, Mommy! Hey, Mommy! …… TWEET DREAMS!” and you were so proud and I was so flabbergasted that I had to applaud – wow! That was a good one, Buddy! Great job!
You create rules to fit what you want to take place “Mommy – little boys HAVE to call their Mommy’s when they are too hot and Mommy’s have to come and change their shirts!” Oooooooooh! I wasn’t aware of that one. Well, I’ll be right there!
You walk around listening to music on an iPod Nanno sometimes and I haven’t even figured the thing out yet…
You talk about movies you want to watch when you get older: Ghostbusters, Men In Black, and other scary, dark features. They are something you are very interested in and you are counting down the days till they are within your grasp.
You get pretty excited about picking out which shirt you want to wear in the morning, although you still never want to go to school. You want to stay home in your favorite shirt with your two favorite people. Thank GOD we are still your two favorite people! :)
You ask to go on vacation
You’ve told me it’s time for a new car because the Orange Juice car is getting too old.
We planted some plants which we are going to put in the ground shortly and you check on them regularly and remark on how big they are getting!

This new period has it’s more positive side and the way more challenging sides, too. The positive being that you are clearly easier to communicate with. I can explain how something works and you are fascinated and you can point out things you notice and we can discuss them.

The challenging side is that you are way harder to communicate with, too. You understand that we are the Rule Makers, but you also see that you can do so much of the same things we can and you are striving for more independence. More control over decisions or at least being included in them. We give you choices which help in a lot of scenarios but there are other times when you declare “Those are NOT the choices!”

I understand being frustrated and needing an outlet so I’ve been working on figuring out what a creative and harmless outlet might be. Call that a work in progress because I need one for myself, too.

And, finally, you speak about how you can’t wait to go to Kindergarten. Wow. That’s only a year away. That’s definitely a rite to childhood. Some of our earliest memories come from Kindergarten and that’s the beginning of your education. I hope you’ll know that you are always my little baby even as you dash ahead towards your future!

Love,

Mommy

How it's going...

2009-03-01T15:06:00.002-06:00

Jack,

I’ve fallen behind in keeping up with your Blog.

I should probably give you a reason for it so you won’t misunderstand, but I feel guilty about it. It seems that I have been struggling with a little pregnancy depression.

I normally have depression and am usually on medication for it, but the medication isn’t considered necessarily safe for a fetus and I don’t want to do anything that could potentially be harmful to your sister just so I can feel a little “sunnier” for the a certain number of months. Seems a small price to pay if the trade off is better potential opportunities for your sister.

But, sometimes things happen and coping is harder when you already feel shaky in the emotional department. It was really rough losing your Grandfather at the end of January. My job has been in an uncertain position until recently when I found out I was secure, but I watched a lot of friends lose their jobs. There’s been a lot of stress and I have been handling it as best that I can, which hasn’t been very good.

It seems like the only times I’m able to pull my thoughts together lately are when I’m dealing with something stressful or sad, and then it’s a coping mechanism to help pull through, but there are plenty of wonderful things that I’m missing writing about.

Like – in the times that I’ve fallen silent, you have:
- Thanked me for bringing you to this planet
- Told me you were going to marry me
- Told me that I smelled bad (called me Stinky) – not a wonderful moment, but in retrospect, it was kind of funny….(we’ll overlook that you also have taken to calling me “stupid” on occasion, but the punishment for that is immediate time out)

- Said that you were very tired and you were going to sleep until you were 5….
- Told me you wanted a guinea pig
- Said it didn’t matter if you couldn’t do something because you WANTED to do it….
- Told me that you weren’t going to share…
- Told me that you would share, but only some things
- Wanted to check on how your plants are growing (we have some starter plants in small containers to start them off and we are going to transplant them in the garden next weekend)

- Talked to Audrey in my belly
- Asked me what was in my belly? And I told you it was a BIG sandwich!
- I came to have lunch with you and your friends one day and you fed me your broccoli and theirs declaring "My Mommy LOVES Broccoli!"

-Told me jokes including – what kind of dog doesn’t have a tail? A HOT DOG!
- Started coloring in coloring books and you love it!
- Told me I needed a toy for my birthday. You insisted so we went and got me a toy. You do a very good job of playing with it for me.
- Have been regularly having times telling me stories that are really fascinating (i.e. about a man named Stinky that had a foot on his nose, etc.)

We have our moments of aggravation, but it’s been wonderful and the quiet mood that I’ve been in is one where my brain is overwhelmed and so I float through the days loving the fun moments but mostly absorbing them and not outwardly sharing them.

I am looking forward to Audrey’s birth when I can get back on track, back on my medicine and start to feel more normal with more than a shaky grip on myself and my emotions.

Thanks for all you’ve put up with these past months, you have been such a little man!

Love,

Mommy

Little Love Muffin

2009-02-13T08:28:00.003-06:00

Jack,

Today is your school Valentine's Day party and you are BEYOND excited! You were smiling and laughing this morning as we arrived at school. We got to your room and were putting away your things when one of your friends, Lilly, arrived. You went up to her and hugged her so sweetly and said "Happy Valentine's, Lilly!" She was thrilled. She promptly followed you back to me and sat next to you while I read you a story.

The sweetness continued as we dropped Valentine's in the boxes of the other children. You gave one to your teacher and had a wonderful exciting experience dropping a special Valentine in each friend's box.

We dropped into your cousin Calum's room and you gave him a huge hug and a "Happy Valentine's Day, Calum!" Calum was beaming as we left the room. You were just this spot of love and life walking around and I wanted to put you in my pocket for the rest of the day, but I wouldn't want to keep you from your much anticipated party later.

As I was leaving, Addey entered the room with her Dad. I was already out the door when you realized you had missed her and you turned and ran to her and grabbed her from behind to give her a big squeeze. You are just a sweet little love muffin!

I've been smiling all morning as a result and telling everyone that is polite enough not to walk away when they come near me about how wonderful you are. Happy Valentine's Day, honey - thanks for all the love and happiness you bring to my life!

Love,

Mommy

Grandpa Rose

2009-02-02T22:37:00.004-06:00

Jack,

Just this past Thursday evening your Grandfather passed away.

I want to tell you a little bit about him and I’m sure you can ask your Dad and he will be glad to tell you more.

Your Grandfather was a Marine. He was proud of his service to our country. I always respected that because I feel that he should be proud of that. And it was with pride that he claimed that status of a Marine. Your Grandfather was like that the whole time I knew him – he was one to put others first and would choose to do the right thing because he could see that for what it was.
Your Grandfather was a hard working man. He was the father of five sons – your Dad being the youngest of those five. He held down a couple of jobs to provide for his family.

I have heard memories that your father has shared of Grandpa Rose taking him with him to x-ray different people – religious figureheads, members of the Anheuser Busch family, etc. He has a papal dispensation. I’d never seen one of those before, but now I have.

A couple of jokes that I remember from your Grandpa Rose:

When eating at a restaurant, be sure to ask the waitress or waiter if they have crab legs. When they say “yes”, be sure to tell them that there is a surgery to correct that.
Your Grandpa used to tell me that he was a good boy. He told me his parents never had to pay him to be good. Yes, sir! He was good for nothing!

I’m sure you’ll hear them all from your father for years to come.

When we met and got married, we moved in with your Grandma and Grandpa Rose for a couple of years.
And this is what I keep thinking about – the memory that is lodged in my head since he passed away:

I remember coming home – from work or being out with Clay – and seeing the laundry basket neatly sitting at the foot of the stairs (we stayed in the upstairs while we lived with them). There, folded neatly in the basket with all the other clothes were my thong underpants. At first, I was embarrassed because I had started the load and had intended to finish it, but had gone to work or out and by the time I got back, he had finished it.

But there was no judgment there. It was just him taking care of his kids. Doing the laundry. It was just another garment, nothing to be ashamed of – folded and sitting with the rest.

He was just being a Dad.

That’s what I will always remember about Tony. His fatherly caring.
You were close to him. Grandma and Grandpa Rose watched you three days a week for more than a year when you were little before we sent you to daycare. There was a little dog that Grandpa called Barky. He would put Barky on top of his head and then ask you a question “Hey, Jack. Do you see Barky around here anyplace? I can’t seem to find him.”

You would pull yourself up on the couch and swat the dog off his head or off the snack that Grandpa or Grandma had set out for you – whatever the game was that day. He loved you so much, Jack.

I don’t know how much you will remember, but this past week has been rough and you know that Grandpa was in the hospital. The other day, we were driving home and you said from the backseat “When I grow up, then I can go to the hospital to visit Grandpa.” I did my best to explain, but failed miserably. I don’t know what you are thinking about all this and I don’t know the best way to deliver this message about death and losing someone you love.

But the way your father is – his sense of humor (warped though it is), is your Grandpa’s sense of humor. His work ethic is your Grandpa’s work ethic. His desire to do right by you and his loyalty to his wife and kids – those are all things that are true of your Grandpa.

We’ll share the stories about Grandpa, but when you see these traits in your father, your Grandpa is not gone.

Now wherever you are right now and whatever you are doing: Stop and go give your Daddy a hug.

Love,

Mommy

Wii Whee!

2009-01-03T18:22:00.013-06:00

Jack,

One of the gifts that our family got for Christmas is the Wii and Wii Fit.I had specifically been wanting the Wii Fit to get back in shape after Baby Number 2 comes along. Santa saw that bringing it early would be better. It's the only thing that has been motivating me to get off my butt and do some exercise lately, so I'm really glad for it.But that's only one of the reasons.The other reason is how much fun it has been for all of us to play with as a family.We got you setup on the Wii Fit along with both of your Daddy and me.You LOVE to play the ski jump - finding it most amusing when the skier fails to make the jump and rolls down the jump in a giant snowball.We do this over and over again!You also love to play the Penguin sliding game, but I'm the only one right now that has access to it right now so you sometimes play as me in order to try it out.It leaves you cracking up more when you slide into the water than when you succeed.I love to play bowling with your Daddy, and you will often bowl with us - ignoring the trash talking between the two supposed-adults that you are playing with.I find it strangely motivating, too, with it's Wii ages.Nothing is more insulting to be told by a machine that your physical abilities and performance mean that you are actually in the shape of a much older person.I think my first Wii age was 85. Talk about infuriating! But I'll also be damned if I wasn't back at it the very next day as though I had something to prove.... Anyway, I feel more energetic. Just keeping myself more on the ball is my entire goal here - that and keeping my age below that of 40... that would be nice! :)Well, that AND the entertainment value.Having experienced winters of being pent up inside when you just feel like you want to get out and DO something - this doesn't completely fix that, but it really does make it a LOT easier.And, this evening when you wanted to run in circles around the house - AFTER your Daddy and I were too worn out to even remotely humor you - I turned on Wii Fit, entered you in two short and one distance race and even did one and a half two person races with you before you finally settled in to playing with your cars quietly.I almost tongue-kissed the Wii right there.In the meantime, I love to see you as we play the Wii - giving tips on what we should do and laughing when we end up making a mess of things which would be about 75% of the time.

Do it again!

Love,

Mommy

Sugar and Spice

2009-01-02T18:01:00.005-06:00

Jack,

Today we took you to the 20 week ultrasound to find out if your little sibling would be a boy or a girl.

You were betting it was going to be a boy, a little brother.

I think your Daddy and I both kind of thought it would be a girl. Not sure why....

I had told you that we were going to go and see the baby in my belly. Probably, I should have elaborated because I think you were a little surprised when an actual baby wasn't produced. Instead we saw black and white pictures on this screen and - although we would tell you what certain things were - it was hard for you to make out.

You spent a large part of the time spying on the doctors and nurses on the other side of the door. You didn't seem too disappointed to hear that it was a little girl.

It was the last thing they found in checking the scans. I thought the nurse just couldn't get a good position and, towards the end, I said "is the baby not cooperating?" I was afraid we might have to come back to find out later....

But then she said "No.... she's cooperating!"
You wouldn't want to spend the time watching these ultrasound videos unless you were a relative with a strong interest because a lot is hard to make out, but if you stick with it, you can really make out some good clear images after a lot of hard to make out ones.

It was really neat to see and I'm so glad you were there. You are proud that you are going to be a big brother and we celebrated tonight by letting you pick out a cake (carrot cake) and had dessert before we had dinner as a celebration.

It is going to be great to see the family that we grow into but you were the beginning of that and the realization that this is what I want. I am so happy, Sweetie!

Love,

Mommy

The Nutcracker Concert

2008-12-19T21:28:00.016-06:00

Jack,

Your class put on a Christmas play this year of the Nutcracker.The kids were thrilled and all extended family was invited to come and observe the performance.We invited both Grandmas who accepted, although I confused them by quoting the time of 7:15 to 8:45 and failing to mention that was in the AM and not the PM so Grandma Rose was surprised when Dad came to pick her up in the morning as she thought it would be in the evening, which DOES make sense (I guess I should have thought about that a little more...).You were playing the part of Godfather Dresselmeyer who is the kindly uncle that gives Clara the gift of the Nutcracker doll at her Christmas party.You were dressed in a suit coat that just SWAM on you, and looked completely precious.You had a great time rehearsing with your friends before the performance began.From the beginning, the play went smoothly.You stood nicely and quietly watching your peers play their parts in the play.You looked so small and sweet in that coat standing there so patiently.Well, the play, although CUTE - went on for 23 minutes and there were TWO performances.But you were all attentive to when you would be "on".You stood quietly by and watched as the girls did their dances with their dolls where they made fun of the boys and the boys ran back and forth with their pretend swords and acted like they were angry with the girls.You took note that your classmate playing the part of the Nutcracker Prince, Liam, had a lot to do and was "performing" most of the time.Here you are giving the doll to Clara...And then you went back to "fix" the doll after it was broken...And your part was done.You were shy and proud of the attention.You were then given your sword so you could next participate when the soldiers chased the mice army away and waited for the cue to go back out on stage.The issue was that your part ended about 2 minutes into the play and there was a full 21 more minutes to go...You waited...And waited...And waited some more.It was about this time, that you decided that being Godfather Dresselmeyer wasn't so great and you asked if you could be the Nutcracker Prince and your teacher told you no.That's when you decided that this kind of sucked.You came to realize that your part in the play wasn't that big after all and you wanted to do more, but it was too late.You were devastated.Poor little guy - I tried to hug you and comfort you, but you were just so sad.It does suck when things don't work out the way you want them to.

Love,

Mommy

Another Peek

2008-11-06T19:40:00.001-06:00

Jack,

I got another peek today at your sibling. I had an appointment for some minor discomfort things and went in to visit the doctor to get checked. Because it was routine to check on the baby, they tried to locate the heartbeat, but could not. I must admit this made my heart almost stop because it never occurred to me that something could happen. Let me take the suspense out of this moment and ASSURE you that nothing was wrong.

It just so happens that I have a uterus that likes to lie down. Just recline backwards like it's the laziest friggin uterus in the world and, because of this, they couldn't find the heartbeat. No other reason.

So an ultrasound machine was brought in just to be sure all was well and probably to wipe that horrified look off my face. I think the nurse was more intent on me not having a heart attack between that moment and the next time I came in for an appointment and therefore was motivated to take it to the next level.

When we DID see your little sibling, VLB was VERY active. He/she was twisting and turning and kicking and jabbing with little limbs - just bouncing all over the place. The nurse said "Oh, my! Mommy must have just fed you!" and I replied "No, I actually haven't eaten yet."

At about this time, VLB seemed to become aware of us probing at him/her and talking in his/her direction and got still and kind of just looked at us. That was when she snapped the picture above.

I told her maybe VLB was pissed at me for not feeding him/her. She asked if you, Jack, were an active child and I said you definitely were. She then smiled at me in a knowing way and said "You are going to be a very busy lady."

I'm sure she said it with a certain amount of pity intended, but the relief I felt in seeing that baby bouncing around was so intense, I completely forgot about the other items I had come in for and left without any results. Just clutching this picture of VLB and thinking what it will be like to watch you two together.

Love,

Mommy

Kelly's Shower

2008-11-01T22:55:00.007-06:00

Jack,

So, as today was your Aunt Kelly's Baby Shower. She is going to be having the first baby girl in the family, so we were prepared with a lot of pink and frills to celebrate the occassion. Her In-Laws drove in for the party and Kelly's good personality meant there was a large number of friends and family there to celebrate along with us.We played games like guessing the date and weight of Baby Wassell-ina when she comes along, celebrity baby name games, etc.Grandma Mary converted her living room into a "Mess Hall" for the occassion and has decided to keep it this way. So much for the Living Room! :)Actually, I remember the Living Room being pretty, but rarely used growing up, so the change seems very sensible.Plus, the old Dining Room has been converted into a downstairs playroom for the grandchildren, so PLUS PLUS PLUS!! :)Kelly's due date is in late January and mine is in late May, so these two little ones will be pretty close in age.By tremendously good chance, all grandkids have been coming in close pairs, so whenever we have family events, each child has a companion that is close in age to them that they kind of pair up with for play.This makes for very fun family gatherings!Growing up, we were close in age to our cousins and spent a lot of time with our cousins, Jason and Ryan, and Janie and Anneliese when the would frequently visit from Kansas City. I was closest in age to Jason, but because of the sex difference, he would normally pair up with Matt. I did my damn-dest to be included, though. :)We are going to find out the sex of the baby that we are expecting but right now can only imagine what that might be. Either way, I already know the baby names I would pick and I plan to share them with you and the family as soon as we know in order to help you get ready for the change that will be coming with the new baby.Not that I think just knowing a name is going to make it all cake and candles, but I think it may be a start in the right direction....I would certainly be happy with a baby boy or a baby girl, but seeing all the cute little clothes and girly things that I automatically love being a girl myself, I think it would be fun to have a little girl.I'm sure that if I do end up finding out that the new baby is a girl, I may just need to declare Chapter 10 right then because I'll be wanting to put her in every cute little frilly dress and tutu that I see.

Part of me wonders if a little girl might not be easier in those early years because I've been through it with a little boy and the speed with which you have dashed and crashed through all of your stages of growth so far leaves me a little winded. :)But that strong will you display could only have come from me, so she may match you step for step and word for word. Or it may be a little boy who is either so similar or completely different from you. There's just no telling. It's fun to wonder about, though.I am both excited and nervous to be there already. I'm sure to be watching your Aunt Kelly as she pioneers the way and anticipate the same experiences in a short time to follow.(I mean, just LOOK at these little cuties! Don't you want to eat them up?)

It's hard to describe watching my baby sister excited over her first born baby. It's really fun and makes my eyes and heart swell for her.It's true that there will be lots of challenges but the best thing is never to lose sight of the gift of this new life that you have been blessed with because - through all the challenges - I have learned more about myself and what I want in my life and what is valuable and worthy. Lessons I would never have learned in quite this fantastic of a way without you to demonstrate how wonderful things can be.

Happy Halloween

2008-10-31T21:01:00.002-06:00

Jack,

You had a fantastic Halloween this year. We did so much leading up to it that the peak of the holiday - the actual trick or treating that we went on, was just another part of the Halloween experience.

You DID walk away with quite a haul.

I taught you how to sort them into piles of the same types of candy so you could be awed by how much you had received.These were the pumpkins that we carved this year. You picked them out at the pumpkin patch and we carved them based on some drawings you had made. One was of a happy pumpkin and the other pumpkin you named "Thunderstorm Eyes". I like that one very much!I have a tradition of taking a picture of you in front of your pumpkins.This year you conceded but only for a couple of seconds and under enormous amounts of protest.

Happy Halloween, Little Biddle!

Love,

Mommy

A Little More Real

2008-10-24T22:43:00.003-06:00

Jack,

Today the new reality of our growing family became a little more real.We were waiting to tell you more about it until we confirmed the heartbeat. Is there a longer wait than that? Right now, it doesn't seem likely.The though process in this decision was basically that if we waited to tell everyone else until we confirmed it, there would be no risk of you finding out by a well-intentioned person that congratulated us when you were right there in earshot. I didn't want you to find out before we knew it was safe because I didn't want to have to put you through any potential heartache if the pregnancy wasn't viable, but it's no longer a question. You are definitely going to be a big brother.I'm sure these look the same, but they aren't. The baby was moving and the nurse was nice enough to try to capture that in these images. So, we told you about it and your initial reaction was to laugh. I don't know if you thought we were joking or not, but that's what I suspect. We sometimes get a little goofy at dinner and that's when we told you, so I should have expected that you would have your doubts. Also, I don't look any different to you right now than I looked last month or two months ago, so I imagine you are a little dubious that a baby is really in there growing and moving away. Your Aunt Kelly is pregnant right now, but in a way that is visible to you and we can even feel her baby kick. This is just too early to seem too real to you right now.

We have been calling the baby "VLB" which stands for Very Little Biddle. We have called you Little Biddle for years, so it seemed natural for the baby to become VLB. Anyway, the reality of this new little one still hasn't hit me. It seems a little surreal and I wanted to laugh along with you when I told you because I could understand the disbelief.

Wow. Another baby. Unreal.

Love,

Mommy

School Halloween Party

2008-10-23T20:13:00.006-06:00

Jack,

What kid isn't over the moon about their classroom Halloween party?

The parents were invited to stay late after school so we could have treats with you little ones and watch you play with each other in your costumes.You were proud to show us the things in your classroom that you enjoy the most - books, connectors, legos, etc...See?!?Plus you got to be Mr. Incredible amongst all your friends!The little girls in your class were impressed with the camera I had most of all, though, because they liked seeing the pictures of themselves...Which is just SO UNLIKE us girls!! :)

You are really loving playing with the flannelboard and putting stories together on it, but I have to say that it was very funny to see you flexing those huge stuffed muscles while trying to put together a story and the padding pressing into your cheeks as you played away....After a huge number of treats and with fingers colored in orange icing, we tried on your teacher's hat so you could be the Cat In the Hat Mr. Incredible.Let's just say that hat will never be the same again.Love,

Mommy

Who You Gonna Call?

2008-10-12T20:11:00.004-06:00

Jack,

It's true - I'm a fan of the 80's. LOVE THEM!But the latest preferences that you have been showing for some aged classics are not all my doing.Your Daddy and I will accept responsibility for your love of Woody Woodpecker who has long since been off the air, and the love you have of E.T. who is so old that when I watched the movie last, I was struck by the "technical" gadgets that they showed that were supposed to be progressive when they were working on E.T. They look like the Doctor's are watching a game of Tetris rather than monitoring E.T.'s vital signs, but you love them.But, this latest craze comes directly from your daycare tied in with Halloween. One of the teachers apparently brought in an old book of the Ghostbusters Movie along with the song.You have been telling me the Ghostbusters story ever since then complete with such detail that a part of me almost suspects they showed you the movie. You talk about Slimer and the Marshmallow man and the vaccuum cleaners that sucked up the ghosts and you will run around with imaginary guns and shoot the ghosts in the air.

But my favorite part is when I turn on the theme song and get to watch this.

Who you gonna call?!?

Love,

Mommy

Pumpkin Patch 2008

2008-10-05T20:54:00.024-06:00

Jack,

We all have our family traditions and one of ours is the annual trip to the pumpkin patch which also includes the pictures of you amongst the large pumpkins looking cute as pie!

These next ones were my favorites! I wish I could show them to everyone!Of course, we aren't the only family to have this tradition. It seems to be a universal type of tradition and our family is no exception.We sometimes are lucky enough to be able to combine our family tradition with the traditions of other family members and we get these cute keepsake photos:I hope you understand why you see so many of these pictures when you look through them.They are all impossible to resist and must all be preserved for always!

The whole pumpkin patch experience has changed a bit since I was a kid. I remember a playground full of wooden climbers and the big pumpkins to climb on, but the pumpkin patch of today is a fairground of sorts with rides and animals and so much to do.... The patch itself, though, is exactly as I remembered and expected it complete with the large grasshoppers jumping amidst the pumpkins in their jumbles of vines. You were an absolute wildman in the pumpkin patch.You ran through the pumpkin patch at top speed stopped only when a tangled vine brought you down in a full body tackle or when your foot pushed through a rotten pumpkin and I got to dig you out of the goo.I've said it before, but I have to restate - if they could make a pair of pants for a toddler that captured and stored energy - we could power our house - maybe even the neighborhood -with the amount of energy that pours out of you!And, yes, you DO detect a hint of jealousy there, because I would LOVE to be able to keep up with you step for step! I knew by this time that I was pregnant again, but we hadn't shared this with anyone, including you. Still I was sure that it was obvious to all the world which is hard to explain unless you've been there yourself. You just feel so different that you figure everyone else can tell, but I'm guessing I'm the only one that sees it when I look at this picture. I could say that our activities in participating in the fair environment of the patch were entirely for you, but it would be lying to say we didn't get something wonderful out of watching your enjoyment! Here's the World War I flying Ace intent on his mission....Giving a shout out...Familiarizing yourself with the equipment....Checking out what is coming up...Leaning into the turn....HI MOM! HI DAD! :)We tried this barrel ride next and I'm quite proud of myself for not hurling chunks everywhere because it did not make my stomach feel good.But there is no amount of motion that could make you sick. YOU LOVED IT!It was a wonderful day!

Love,

Mommy

Scaries

2008-10-01T18:47:00.003-06:00

Jack,

I can’t speak for most 3 year olds because I don’t know most three year olds, but when it comes to Halloween this year, I don’t think you are like most three year olds.We had been trying to decide on a Halloween costume for you and had been looking at options online trying to spark some inkling of what you might prefer.I clicked through with a notepad beside me on which I wrote the names of the costumes that elicited your biggest reactions. But each time I thought we had figured it out and asked you if you wanted to be that thing, you would say “no”.You were very entertained by the scary costumes when they popped up. I would react by saying ewwww, yucky! and switching to another one trying to make light of the gore and horror that some of those costumes represented.You thought this was hilarious and made a game of trying to point out hideous costumes to me for my reaction.We have been to Target and other stores and looked at their Halloween costume selections, but you are far more interested in the decorations than in any costumes that we may find.You will pull us towards the decorations aisle and there you will stand in the middle of the aisle wide-eyed at these horrific Halloween displays. A skeleton chained in a cage that begs for it’s life and to be let out when you press a button. Another box with a button that, when you push it, a skeletal hand reaches out from the inside of the box and tries to grab you. A tombstone with fake blood that runs down the sign while a demonic voice declares that it will “see you soon – waaaaa haaaaa haaaa haaaaa!” I see other children with their parents look down the aisle and then look away quickly or freeze up and start to make fear sounds if their parents look like they are going that direction while there you stand in the middle of the aisle, not daring to step closer to these things, yet – when they stop, you will demand “Press it AGAIN, Mommy!” absolutely thrilling in that rush of adrenaline, I suppose.You ask to go see the “scaries” now and we will visit a nearby store with decorations so you can watch the face ripper remove his face or watch a scary head spin around while eyes turn red and horrible screams are uttered from terrifying molded faces. Part of me wonders if maybe I should come up with some reason that we can’t visit the “scaries”. Part of me wants to protect you, but another part thinks that you know this is some sort of entertainment and while it scares you it also fascinates you – what do I know.Actually, I can't believe how early we are into this holiday and already how much of an impression it has made on you. Just wait till you see all the grub!Love,

Mommy

There's Nothing Like Inflatables

2008-09-27T20:08:00.012-06:00

Jack,

There's nothing like a Carnival, so today must have blown your mind.The day started off with my company's picnic which is an annual event.We tend to show up on the early side of things hoping to work in a nap for you somewhere after the second hour, so it's not too crowded.

And just as dependably as we can rely on the lack of a crowd for the entertainment, we can also depend on the reliablility that there will be inflatables.Inflatables rock - they can make you go from feeling totally blah to feeling like it's Christmas morning merely by making you feel like you are walking in space as you fly around in that little house with no fear of injury (this is entirely dependent upon it being empty, I emphasize).You also very much like to lie still while I jump around you and bounce you in the air. You laugh while your body bounces around like it's in the throws of some type of seizure.

Plus, you are my automatic-get-out-of-jail free card to doing things like this that obviously weren't intended for the parental variety.Then there was even more to do.An inflatable slide with a rope climber.YES!I contemplated trying this one out, too, but the thought of sliding down this inflatable in my shorts in front of all my co-workers with my limbs jutting out at all angles was so unappealing that I talked myself out of it.I wasn't exactly eagerly looking forward to living that one down.So after this much excitement and heart-pumping adrenaline, what do you think the last thing you would want to do would be?Did you just guess "take a nap?!??" Well, you just won the big prize, then!So after clowns made you a balloon animal (you wisely chose a Spider Man balloon hat) and painted an Elmo on your little person, it was time to head home for naptime.A completely unsuccessful naptime where you basically yelled to us the entire nap time that it was over. "Naptime is over, Mommy! Come wake me up!"Afterward, it was time for the Shrewsbury Fall Festival, so we headed over there and met up with your cousins Calum and Emmit and with Uncles and Aunts, Kelly, Bobby, Erin and Brett.

There was a mobile petting zoo (with a rather unfriendly camel that charged me)....with goats...turtles...camels...And, of course, more Inflatables! :)

Love,

Mommy

OMG

2008-09-22T08:37:00.000-06:00

Jack,

OMG.Looks like you're going to be a big brother! You're going to be such a great big brother!

Love,

Mommy

Festival Park

2008-09-21T21:42:00.060-06:00

Jack,

We are back from vacation and it was better than I could do justice to describe. We flew down to Florida for 7 days of theme parks. No, not Disney World. We did that a year ago and, while it was fun, this time was SOOOOO much better.Why does it take so long for planes to leave for vacation?Here we have cars and a laptop. This flight will be a piece of cake.A flip down tray on the seat in front and a window shade? This plane deal is pretty cool!We got between park passes for seven days for both Islands of Adventure and Universal Studios Theme park. They both have a good measure of young children's entertainment, so between the two parks, we would drift visiting Dr. Suess land, Barney's park,Shrek, Curious George Playland, Woody Woodpecker's roller coaster,the Simpson's, and the E.T. ride. There was also a lot of Nascar paraphenalia at a Nascar restaurant.I don't know how it happened, but somehow all on your own, you are a Nascar fan.You walked amongst the racecars as though it was a religious experience running your hands along the cracks and crashes on the cars surfaces and in an awed whisper saying "crashes..." as though the physical confirmation of these actual crashes was just the total of all things great that you could possibly imagine.Smile! What do you mean you're going blind?Better.... :)Exploring the parks involved a lot of walking, but we did more than our fair share of eating to make up for those burned calories because everything tastes better on vacation!Your favorite ride was the Woody Woodpecker ride which you called the "laughing rollercoaster" or the "laughing bird"! :) "FASTER THAN A RACE CAR, Mommy!!" you would excitedly declare at the end of the ride and ask if we could go again.

It was a good season for the parks as they weren't terribly crowded so we would ride that rollercoaster about 20 times in a row each day until we were off to another park attraction.

The ride employees were very familiar with you and would smile and laugh at your excitement. They enjoyed the repeat visits and watching you race as fast as your little legs could propel you around corners to navigate back through the lines and go again. I think your second favorite was the Curious George Water playground.First of all, it's a big cartoon land.Second of all, it is spitting water out of every section of it.You couldn't go two feet without getting wet from something which in child=GREAT FUN!And since we usually visited this section of the park AFTER the roller coaster and before going home for naptime, it was a good chance for Daddy and I to catch our breath for a minute.No adult participation required.BOY, you can JUMP!A few years back, we brought you to this park. You weren't able to do as much as we did this year, but last time, we did attend a live Barney concert and so we had to do that again.After all this activity, we had to eat lunch at the Laughing Roller Coaster Bird restaurant before heading home for nap.It was outside where it was warm and since you were drenched from the waterplay, this was the place to eat.Not to mention the fact that it was LAUGHING BIRD and that means it rocked. The park closed around dinnertime, so we didn't generally go back there in the afternoons.There was still plenty to do and see. You loved going to the M&M store at the mall.They had an actual M&M race car.You were thrilled!The rest of vacation followed along the same pattern.We would go from onside of the park to the other by day and by afternoon, we would visit other sites in Florida.On the Universal Studios side of the park, there is an entire section named Dr. Suess land which was fantastic with everything looking exactly like it came straight from a Dr. Suess book.Your favorites were the Suess-0-sel, One Fish - Two Fish (anther wet ride), and The Cat in the Hat ride.We met a lot of characters at the parks, too.Initially, I would say that you were a little intimidated, but before long, you were giving out hugs to these large creatures without a concern.My favorite time on vacation, though, was at mealtimes.We all were forced to slow down long enough to get some food in our bellies and to get a laugh out of being together.Here you and Daddy are demonstating a unique french-fry-sharing technique.I can't say if this way is better than any other UNTIL you factor in the entertainment value and then it outscores them all.There were water sprouts throughout the park because it was hot in Florida, even though it was September.For me, watching you in water has an affect similar to watching fish swim in an aquarium.There is something comforting about it - maybe that it never fails to produce a smile and a fun time.I love this picture. You wanted to meet Spiderman. You were so excited, but the guy looked SO much like the real thing that you were terrified.You were squeezing my neck so tight, that I was a little afraid I was going to choke.Meeting the Scooby Doo crew was fun, but Shaggy took being in his pot-smoking, laid back guy character very seriously. Peace, dude.Next we tried on silly hats.I love trying on hats.It's fun!Check out your tricked-out ride. We only sprang for this on Day 3 because we figured you'd be doing your own walking, but there is a LOT of ground to cover at this park and you're no fool. You would become wise to the distance and want to be carried, so we sprung for this nice little ride with the cup holder to make it fun for all.More Woody Woodpecker roller coaster!And MORE!That roller coaster was the beginning and the end to you.

The excitement level that it brought out of you was so intense, it caused you to do this while running to get in line to do it again.I didn't think a body could twist like that, but your excited run was so enthusiastic, that you became a contortionist.And you were FAST!You also got a chance to meet your idol in cartoon/person.I think you were a little awed at first, but warmed up as I persuaded you that he was just as excited to meet you as you were to meet him.Laughing Bird - wow.Time for more water play!Did I mention it was hot? :)Over the course of this vacation, we met more characters, and got really good at hugging them.We spent a lot of time checking out the gift shops and being silly with each other.Trying on hats is just fun - I love it.I was thinking this could be my dress-up-fancy hat. What do you think?Hang Ten, Jack!Check out that wave!Now this move requires a significant level of expertise.
More car worshipping... You can touch it gently, but know that it's MINE!Here's the game - who can touch the most cars the fastest?And the winner gets?....Oh, that's just silly! EVERYONE WINS!You get to touch real race cars!Which brings me to these pictures, which simply are the best.You were excited to get your picture taken as one of the Nascar drivers...And you blended right in - couldn't even tell that you weren't part of the group...You are so incredibly adorable!So, overall, your favorite rides were definitely Woody Woodpecker (aka Laughing Bird) and E.T. which means that we got you to fall in love with things that you won't see anywhere else in this day and age.You were asking for an E.T. race car and I thought that we'd have to go back in a time machine to about 20 years ago and see if they made any.But we DID succeed in getting your onto the Simpson's Ride even though you were too young to go on it. Really, that was a brilliant move of parenting genius. What could go wrong?Daddy sat next to a couple of nuns and you and me sat next to some burly tatooed men. The ride was a virtual rollercoaster with lots to get the heart pounding. It was a great ride and I loved it, but in retrospect, you were too young for it. You told us you didn't like it.But that's all - no nightmares and you still love the Simpson's. You loved getting to meet them up close and in person, too!

This vacation was so incredible, I couldn't have imagined anything better. At the end, I was like my Mom on my childhood vacations, crying and saying it was the best vacation ever.But, you know what? It really was. I had such a wonderful vacation with you and Daddy - it was a very special time together and I'm so grateful!

Love,

Mommy

Long Overdue update

2008-09-07T14:29:00.016-06:00

Jack,

It's been WAAAAAAAAY too quiet on the blog-front and it's not due to a lack of things happening. It's a little more on the opposite spectrum that it's been close to impossible for me to find a few minutes to access the internet seeing that all my time seems to be occupied with other things.

You are in the 3 1/2 zone now. I don't know if that means the same thing to everyone or not, but it's been a wild ride and the little person you are becoming is someone that I love spending time with!

Daddy celebrated his birthday recently and you and I made him this choo-choo train cake. Note the finger marks in the engine of the train. You "helped" by doing a lot of taste testing. Apparently, it was delicious!

In addition to this, a number of your toys that have been "bad" are ending up in time out. I see you understanding this process better and better and you have flawless execution with the toys of the time out process.It works well with them and, when they come out of time out, they are always much better behaved. Good toys.We have also been making paper bag puppets. It's a lot of fun and, afterwards, we have a very active version of a puppet show where we play Run-Away-From-the-Monster puppet because anything that you seem to find worth doing is always exciting, very active, and more often than not involves running at top speed or jumping on or off of something that logic would tell you probably wasn't the best choice. (You made the Bear Puppet all on your own). Now, that's an age-thing, right?Daddy also came up with the idea of a bag of soft toys that you can throw because throwing toys holds a fascination for you now like no other. You have accepted this, but when other people aren't around and you want to try throwing another toy (specifically, your Masters), we still do that, too.Have I mentioned "Kung Fu Panda" yet? Your level of affection for this movie exceeds anything that I've witnessed before with you. You are smitten. Completely and totally addicted.I mean - gravity defying, flipping, kicking, dodging and quick animals that always come out on top. Wow. It doesn't get any better than this for the male age group of 3-6, I've determined.We recently took you to a Disney on Ice concert (which, by the way, was complete adult mental torture). You loved it. It was a parade of Disney characters dancing and skating around with a flimsy story line where the Incredibles were trying to rescue Mickey and Minney Mouse from Syndrome while on a trip to Disney World.What it REALLY was, though, was a shameless advertisement of Disney World and the rides and shows that they had to offer and adults paid to watch it. The child version of this, though, was worth it. Your mouth hung open the entire time while you watched the Incredibles skate around to their theme song in and out of different settings pursuing the wicked Syndrome and trying to save the Infamous Mice.Now you are convinced that we are going to go see a Kung Fu Panda Concert. So they better come out with one fast. You already have the plot worked out so if anyone has this concept in mind and needs some ideas, they should call you. You can do the work for them.So that leads me to my latest update.Extreme Makeover - Home Edition has found it's way to our neighborhood. Our street is blocked off and there is a police officer stationed outside of our house 24 hours a day for 10 consecutive days.The effect is that we have gotten a taste of the "gated community" lifestyle and it's pretty sweet.Now, we have walked past this house many a time on our way to the park, but I never remember seeing the family before or speaking with them. Apparently, though, they have twins with disorders and are very deserving of the special attention and love that has been shown throughout this process.We walked up there once during the process as a family and viewed the site. At the time, they had recently demolished the older home and were in the process of putting in the basement of the new one.I returned at this time (pictured in these pictures here) to visit the site again when the construction of the new home was well underway.I never realized how many volunteers made this happen, but there are a lot of caring people that appreciate what this show does and jump in to make it happen.

And it happened so FAST! I had no idea that this might be taking place in Missouri and then one day I came home at lunchtime to let the dogs out and change over the laundry and, by the time I left, the road was blocked off and there were police men blocking traffic. They provided me with signs that we were required to display in our car windows that identified us as residents so that we could make our way into the neighborhood.Pretty wild to be a part of something so big.Here is one of the street corners with foot traffic coming to check out the construction site and how everything is coming along (and perhaps to get a glimpse of Ty Pennington, let's be honest....)The streets were plastered with these signs, too.But the part that I will remember most personally was sleeping for all those days with this stadium type light directly outside of our house shining through the entire night and run by a very loud generator stationed in the middle of the street outside our house.

I had to take a picture because describing it - just doesn't do it justice.

Love,

Mommy

Jack's Robot

2008-08-06T13:02:00.002-06:00

Jack,

I have switched you to a new daycare. Your current daycare had been okay for you when you were younger. The younger room teachers were more nurturing and the environment was more suitable for younger kids - meaning that there was a lot to do in the room, but not so much to offer outdoors or by way of exercise and energetic activity. As a little one when you are learning to walk, the movement from one object to another is enough, but as you get older, you need more.

So it was time to move on.

I’m very excited about your new center. Your teachers are fantastic from the limited interactions that I’ve had so far, but they have demonstrated a lot of caring and empathy to you in this transition process that has really gone very far in winning me over.

Case in point: Your very first day, you entered the room and it was quite early – about 7:15AM. There weren’t many children there yet and you looked small and more vulnerable than I’m used to seeing you. You picked up a few cars that were on the floor and then went and sat alone at the lunch table clutching your teddy bear.

Your new teacher, Scott, came over and noticed the cars that you had found and asked if by any chance you liked cars? You nodded and he asked if you would be interested in him getting out the carpet that has roads on it so you could drive your cars on the roads. Your eyes got really big and you stood up at the table and shook your head at him. It was almost as though you couldn’t believe that he would do this for you. I wanted to hug you at that moment, but I resisted because I sensed this was a good bonding experience with your new teacher which I want you to have. I really want a strong bond to form between you and your teachers so that being apart isn’t so hard on you.

God knows it’s not easy for me. I feel much better knowing you are in an environment where you get plenty of love and stimulation and movement because I know you and that is the stuff of happiness!

What I realize this week as you are now off to your new center, is that I loved the time that we had to commute together. Your new center is very close to home so I drop you off in Webster before I head off to commute to my work. As I drive that route now, I think of you. Your old center was minutes from my job, so we used to drive our daily commute together.

I see all the landmarks that we would watch for each morning and I sometimes find myself talking to an invisible you in the backseat. “Jack, there’s the river! Do you see it?” “Here comes the construction trucks! There they are! Do you see the dump truck?!?” “There’s the car factory!”.

But the thing I love most is one that you found all on your own.

There is a building that we pass that is very unique in it’s appearance and long ago you pointed it out to me by noting in casual passing. “There’s the Robot, Mommy!”Once I realized what you were looking at, I could see what you meant. This huge old factory building DOES look like a robot and every morning from there on in, we would wave and say “good morning!” to the big robot as we drove to school and work together.

And as I passed your robot this morning, I smiled. And yes, I’ll admit it – tears may have come to my eyes because you have made my life so much incredibly better than I ever could have imagined possible.How incredibly thankful I am to have you in my life. Because of you, I live in a world where I commute in the morning and home in the afternoon under the watchful eye of a giant benevolent robot. Jack’s Robot.

You make life an adventure! Thank you for that!

Love,

Mommy

Getting in Touch with our Roots

2008-07-28T22:24:00.005-06:00

Jack,

We recently made a trek back to Wisconsin. My Grandmother, Jane, who passed away earlier this year – was born in Wisconsin to Irish parents. Her family for the majority, still lives in that area and almost all of them have family dairy farms. So traveling to Wisconsin is getting in touch with our roots in more ways than one. There is the family and there is the getting back to food in it’s raw form, so literal roots.

You are at a good age for this kind of experience. I want you to be a child that recognizes food as the raw vegetables, fruits that grow from the dirt and feed themselves through photosynthesis (that miracle of life) and animals that forage and graze.In other words, I don’t want you to think that food comes from a plastic bag or from the grocery store where it magically just appears. You might think this is silly now knowing what you know already, but how would you know any different? If your only exposure to food was the bag of chips you grabbed to munch on or the #2 in the paper bag that you got from a fast food drive thru, food may be a bit of an "unknown" to you and food is too important to be ignorant of.So – off we went to Wisconsin!We visited three different dairy farms owned by family and they were incredibly gracious and waited for our arrival to go about their daily morning tasks of milking.On the dairy farms, the cows are always either pregnant or nursing from a recent calf which is kept outside of the pen away from it’s mother and bottle fed. Thus the cow continues to produce milk, but the milk goes to us and the calf suckles on bottles of the milk that is not going to be consumed by humans. My understanding of this is that some of the milk has to be released from cows that they aren’t going to collect for human consumption whether that is because a cow is older, or it’s body temperature is past a certain point or one of a million reasons. Milk always must be released but under very specific circumstances that dairy farmers are vigilant about.The calf pens are filled with mooing little calves that cry out for their mothers and wag their butts back and forth excitedly when you come over to greet them. One of their favorite things is to suckle on your fingers or your entire hand. It’s calming like a pacifier is to a child and you get to pet their necks and heads while they pacify themselves this way. I found the experience to be very sweet and tender.You weren’t as taken with the calves as I would have thought you would be, but you were fascinated by the barn cats. Barn cats are abundant on the dairy farms. Reasons are obvious – the farmers grow corn feed for the livestock in their fields along with hay, etc, and therefore, there are mice. The cats help control the rodent population and the grateful farmers provide bowls of runnover milk – those not being consumed by the calves - to the eager and swarming barn cats.The barn cats also procreate with abandon. Therefore there are swarms of litters of kittens – these wild and tumbling balls of fluff - that follow their mothers around the barns and outside, but not wandering too far. You reminded me of Ace Ventura wandering around with a kitten in your arms and talking to it “don’t worry – I gonna take you to see baby cows. See? See baby cows? Don’t worry – see your momma? See? I gonna take you to tractor….” And so on. You were so caring and cute and the babies would struggle and finally just give in because your will was much stronger than theirs and they would eventually surrender to you as their new momma.As much as you loved the kittens, you hated the flies just as intensely and there are an abundance of flies on diary farms. With all that animal and manure everywhere, it is fly heaven. You were horrified by this to say the least and spent most of your time exclaiming for me to “look mommy! There fly on you! FLY ON ME, MOMMY! SAVE ME!”My incredibly generous and kind relatives that we were visiting were so incredibly nice that they didn’t even show any sign of surprise or shock that a child would be this afraid of a fly-something that is an everyday reality to them. And you couldn't seem to focus on much else but keeping track of the flies that were around and vocalizing everytime they landed on someone in our group seeing as the rest of us didn't have enough sense to be as vigilant as yourself.I just smiled at them and said “city folk.”

What are you gonna do. Can’t live with us, can’t kill us for cattle fodder. :)

My cousin Jerry was good enough to take you for a ride on an enormous tractor up and down the driveway and you were thrilled. He even let you steer! And, with gas prices what they are and the enormous amount of gas this baby must take to operate, that right there shows how generous my kin are!Also, he let me actually milk a cow. Yeah, that’s right. I milked a cow. I did it first by hand and cleared the udders and then by machine. I’m so impressed with myself right now – I hope you are, too!

The end of the visit culminated with a big family reunion at a nearby park. As it happens, I had my camera for the reunion, but had forgotten it for every other part of the visit up until that point. I was having that much fun that I totally forgot to take pictures!

I wish we could move there and be dairy farmers! I’m telling you, it’s so incredibly beautiful and calming on the farm which probably shows you just how much being a visitor differs from the life of a farmer because it's a lot of work.

I am so grateful that we have family willing to open their farms and homes up to us so we all could have that experience. I think we’ll be better people for it!

Love,

Mommy

Battling Chaos

2008-07-23T19:05:00.000-06:00

Jack,

Sometimes I feel like I’m locked in a knock-down, drag-out, bare-knuckles fight of my life with chaos. Chaos is a formidable opponent and can take form at any and every part of life. Bills to be paid, house to be cleaned, the wildlife of the backyard demanding attention, pets to be played with and loved which should be enjoyable but “things” come up. For instance, the bowel and bladder control problems due to canine aging lead to more time spent in cleaning and upkeep which unfortunately seem to zap that desire and leave less time for the more enjoyable things. School looms, work demands, and through it all I sometimes feel like I’m on the verge of drowning and I thrash about trying to keep my head above water.

Sometimes the chaos feels like a turbulent sea of water that threatens to engulf me and my attempt to maintain some control over the chaos feels like a Herculean and sometimes almost futile thrashing-about attempt to keep my head or even just my nose and mouth above that water so I’m not entirely consumed. Some piece of me feels that if the chaos washed over me, I would not be able to breath. Not be able to keep myself and everything together. It would all be destroyed in the resulting flood. It’s an awful feeling of panic and anxiety as my “to do” list that I run over and build up in my head begins to seem more like a volume of an encyclopedia than something that I could accomplish.

I feel like maybe I need to force myself to put my head under the water and give it a try. Maybe chaos isn’t like water EXACTLY. Maybe I CAN breathe under it if I just decide that the constant battle for control is too much work. How much more enjoyable would life be if I just went with the flow? After all, how much am I really accomplishing when I look back on my daily battle with chaos? Am I winning?

But it’s easier said than done and I know it. How do you teach yourself to let go and pick your battles so you can enjoy things a little more. How do you convince yourself to take that leap of faith and try to breathe underwater?

Love,

Mommy

FREEDOM!

2008-07-04T06:24:00.006-06:00

Jack,

Buckle up, little buddy - embarrassment coming at you at 100 mph.

Okay - I have debated blogging this, but have decided with it being part of life and all - anyone that would tease you about it is only lying that they haven't struggled with these same things, so call them a F*&^%ING LIAR and move on without them!

I have to blog about one of the latest developments you are undergoing.

Okay - first off - potty training? Almost complete.

You only need diapers at nap and bedtime and I'm about to cut the cord on them at nap, too.

Soooooo.... what comes along with moving out of diapers and into big boy pants? FREEDOM! Freedom to use the potty when you need to and not when Mommy puts you there. Freedom to be dry and clean and not have to sit in your own messes until they are noticed.

Oh, and did I mention, freedom of ..... choice?

No way to put this delicately, is there?

Lately you are discovering a new world that you never really realized existed until the diapers came off. And you are absolutely fascinated. And not shy about talking about it. In public and at school. Oh, and showing people.

YIKES!

Along with this territory comes a very delicate territory that I simply don't know how to navigate.

I'll also preface the remainder of this post stating that I have always called your privates what they are and not made up cutsie names for them as though I was trying to dress everything up to be more palatable to - everyone? I see this as an act that could inspire shame. It kind of gives the impression that there is something wrong with our privates. Some horrible unspeakableness that we can't even call our privates by their real names.

But, as I continue this post, I fear for your security above all and would hate for someone to google the word and land HERE, so I'm going to refer to it here on out as your "peanut".

So, this new freedom that you have has made you very curious. New sensations that you are aware of now that your previously padded existence kept from your scope of investigation. And in all different situations.

We are at the pool down at the lake surrounded by other families swimming and in the middle of the pool, you get a very serious expression on your face "Mommy? Can I touch my "peanut?"

My take on this has been to tell you that privates are called "privates" for a reason. I tell you that your peanut is part of your body so it's your choice when you touch it, but because it's a private thing, you should really only do so when you are alone or with your Mommy and Daddy. I debated whether I should include myself and your Daddy in this privacy zone, but decided that you need examples of reactions that are not horrified (just kindly and calmly ignoring the behavior) in order to verify that it's okay and really not awful. This is in order to balance out the reactions you have already had evoked by your teachers and others when you forget this rule or are simply unable to resist the temptation.

Already your teachers have instilled in you the thought that you can't touch yourself without someone else's permission which drives me a little batty. Sure - it allows them prevention and embarrassment in school, but a short term solution that works may not be the best long term solution.

I have just taken to either advising you to wait until you have privacy or telling you when you have privacy that it's your body and you may when others aren't around.

Of course, that doesn't always work.

"Mommy? Can I get OUT of the pool and touch my peanut?"

"Ummmmm. Nooooooo, because there are still other people around. You need to wait until you are alone without others around."

"Mommy - can I go over THERE and touch my peanut?"

sigh...... "Jack? Do you want to go back to the room?"

"Okay."

I kind of try to prepare friends and family that aren't aware of this recent fascination so they are prepared and don't scream out if your hands disappear while you are talking to them. I'm mostly wishing to achieve friendly reminders from those you love and trust that this if for alone time and not jaw dropping, eye popping, harsh words of discouragement, etc.

But, not knowing who is around while you go through this time in your young life, I have started wondering if I need to start talking to you also about stranger danger and stuff like that. I worry about the stranger that witnesses this and - if I catch their eye - I cast suspicious and eye narrowing anger in their direction as though just witnessing this innocence makes them evil. My Momma Bear comes out at full force and people are guilty until proven innocent. I'll back away with you and take an extra long and crazy walk back to our home in order to protect you from the invisible threat I worry could possibly harm you at such a young and vulnerable time in your life.

To put it mildly, FREEDOM brings with it great responsibility and my brain is boggled by the long term repercussions of mishandling such a topic. It is laden with dangerous possibilities all over the place. I want a child that is aware of himself in a realistic way - that we all go through this and it's normal - who doesn't absorb or attach moral judgements to these feelings as this can cause a child to grow up wondering what is wrong with them and if they are bad or naughty for experiencing things that we all experience.

And yet - at the same time - some healthy caution because you just don't know who is out there. Who is watching or taking note.

I just wish I knew the perfect thing to say and do here, cutie. But above all, know that I take this responsibility very seriously and I'll do my best on all fronts. Happy 4th of July, Buddy, and welcome to your first step towards independence.

Love,

Mommy

Blither Blather

2008-06-20T19:21:00.001-06:00

Jack,

I work at a company that many may recognize the name of but a division that is such a teeny tiny part of that company that the explanation accompanying what I do is just too long and complicated to bore people with.

But it’s a business and that’s the start of where I plan on taking this.

Our company is trying to stay competitive, trying to maintain and grow market-share which becomes increasingly more difficult as customers have become WAY more saavy than they used to be. What I mean by this is not only drawn from my corporate experiences but as a customer myself – I want:

the best possible price I can get for the service or product I’m purchasing
the best customer service in purchasing and maintaining that service/item
I want it to be clear what I expect to get from the product or service and then I want that to meet or exceed my expectations.

Basically, I want to pay my money and feel that it was well spent. Because life is expensive! Who wants to pay too much and walk away feeling like you didn’t get what you paid for? No one!

Anyway – the business world seems to have grasped this concept and are tightening the way their businesses are running. Customers expect more of them so they are examining inefficiencies and correcting them, expecting more from their vendors, putting mechanisms in place to measure productivity so they can get the most out of their employees for their corporate dollar and be able to give more to the customer in turn.

I was thinking today that government really should be run more like a business. Can you imagine the improvements that we could make if we did?

For example – I’m thinking about the challenges in our current education system. What if the government allowed companies to sponsor our children’s schools? Businesses already are driven to improve consumer loyalty by showing social consciousness. Mostly this applies currently to being more environmentally friendly, etc, but why not expand on this further?

Already our children are bombarded with advertising in their everyday lives and as parents we help them interpret and control that desire to have everything. It’s part of life. Would it really be so horrible if John F. Kennedy school became John Deere’s Middle School with Green Lunchrooms and Agriculture auditoriums if the trade off for this was being able to pay teachers what they deserve to be paid in order to remain motivated in the learning environment or for the children to have an abundance of up to date text books and facilities that weren’t horribly dated. So what if the computers were all in the shape of tractors – if they were good computers that children could use to prepare them for the world, I could weigh the rest of the factors and help you put it in perspective, I think.

Some might think of this as selling our soul to the devil, but I think we attach way too much morality to business.

What makes it so horribly terrible if a company wants to make money? Where would any of us be without that? As companies strive to remain competitive in today’s economy with customers that are aware of the decisions that they make – their level of social responsibility, etc – this is driving corporate behavior towards being more responsible. A company that is allowed to sponsor a school will feel a responsibility to do a good job of educating and providing the children with what they need because there is so much at stake there. If a company were to abuse a situation like that and teach only about the products that company manufactured – this would be horrible to the organization as a whole. Word would spread and the company would be abandoned by their customers. So, it’s not conceivable that a company would make such a horrible decision because it would mean the end of their business. Thus, self policing by the organization would take place to make sure that everything was done to the best possible degree.

Anyway – I’m thinking of improvements that are unfolding before my eyes here and transferring it in other ways to the outside world and I think it would be a very exciting concept.

Too bad I don’t have a bigger voice. :)

Love,

Mommy

More Firsts

2008-06-17T20:34:00.009-06:00

Jack,

So, your little cousin Charlie turned one recently and we went to his party.It was a fun time with your mostly younger cousins with the sole exception of your second cousin Rowan (I’m probably even spelling it wrong….)This was the first time that you met Rowan which is notable because Rowan kind of convinced me that I was ready to have a baby. Thus, you were born.Rowan and his younger sister, Bridget, were at the party and after much fun splashing in a kiddie pool and playing with the toys that Charlie received as his first birthday presents, you spent much of your time with Rowan and Bridget.You could certainly prove me wrong, but looking at these pictures, I think you would do well with a little sister.Here is a cute video of your first interaction with your second cousins!

Love,

Mommy

Middle Ground

2008-06-16T09:26:00.000-06:00

Jack,

Father’s Day weekend was nice. We had two Father’s Day celebrations – one for your Daddy and one for my Dad (Poppa Dough). Grandpa Rose’s father’s day tradition since he has all sons usually consists of all the son’s that are available and in town heading to the casinos with Grandpa Rose for Father’s Day which is nice for all of them so that’s what they did yesterday and then yesterday evening we ended up at my Dad’s for dinner and hanging out with the extended family. During the morning yesterday, we opened Clay’s gifts and told him how much we love him!

Saturday was my favorite part of the Father’s Day weekend, though, because we went to a carnival for Shrewsbury Days and I took you on the Ferris Wheel. I was all excited for you to go up and down in the slow comfort of the Ferris Wheel and you were happy, but wondering about the other rides you were seeing.

After the ferris wheel you jumped in the bouncy house and after that - somehow you and Clay ended up on an upside down carnival ride together and I almost hurled through the entire occurrence. In fairness, your Daddy DID ask me if I thought it would be okay for him to take you on the ride. They had been loading people at the time and it looked like it was moving slowly and UPRIGHT and I was busy trying to put your shoes on your feet while keeping hold of your wiggly body, so I said “SURE!” You guys were in line and loaded onto the ride before I knew it. And then it started.

The ride basically was like taking a full bucket of water and twirling it around so fast that there is no chance of the water being able to fall out of the bucket, but you can’t convince your mind of that – it was that fast and UPSIDE DOWN! I felt weak and sick as I saw your excited little face rush past me every 1.5 seconds.

I just knew I was going to witness my son being rocketed off into space and coming to a horrible bloody end against the side of some other monster ride. I was disturbed and shaken and ready to die when you climbed off the ride very excited and happy and saying “I have FUN! Dat was FUN! COME ON, MOMMY! Go AGAIN!”

You thought it was a giant robot ride which made it even better in your mind.

I was so out of it that I went on it with you vaguely thinking (‘I don’t want him to know how terrifying this death trap is or how horribly close he came to death so I’ll play this off as non-challant as possible). What actually happened, though, is I ended up clutching you the entire time with my eyes closed, screaming and hoping with all my might that we would simply survive the experience.

Now I’m scared that you may not have the right mix of fear or self preservation that you should have when it comes to certain things like insanely scary rides that make my heart want to explode.

I know that there’s got to be a happy middle ground somewhere between Scared-Of-One’s-Own-Shadow and thinking One-Is-Invincible and I fear that you may be walking too close to the line of invincible now for me to be comfortable.

After that, you wanted to go on one of the big kid swing rides where the swings swing out really wide and high up and I figured if you could go upside down, this would be an easy one for you, so we let you go on it. TWICE. You were so small on that ride surrounded by other children much bigger than you and some freaking out while you smiled and twisted around to see the ride from all directions.

We only got you to leave by telling you that carnivals are all about taking turns and it was someone else’s turn to go on the scary death ride. (okay – so I only called it that IN MY MIND).

We did play a fish game and ended up going home with a fish that you have named “Orange”. Guess what color he is?

You and Mr. Orange survived the carnival in all your glory and you can’t wait to go again!

Love,

Mommy

Couldn't Put it Better Myself

2008-06-15T20:48:00.000-06:00

Jack,

Sometimes other people put things in words that are so perfect, there is no way to improve, so here is a poem about what makes a good father:

"IF" For Dads

If you make time

to show a child

a wonder,

large or small,

If you believe

that family

is the greatest gift

of all....

If you can set aside

your needs

to put a child's first,

If you feel so much love

at times,

you think your heart

could burst,

If you accept

that parenting

is tougher than it looks,

And know that all

life's answers

aren't the kind

you find in books,

If you keep right on caring,

both in good times

and in bad,

You're more

than just a father -

you're a very

special dad.

Happy Father's Day, Clay/Daddy! We are the luckiest people we know!

Love,

Mommy (and Jack)

Silver Lining

2008-06-13T07:49:00.003-06:00

Jack,

You often hear as a parent talking and sharing with other parents - the frustrations and challenges that come with the territory. As kids grow and develop, their need to be their own person grows, too, and they become frustrated when they feel you holding them too close, or frustrated with their own slowly developing abilities to meet their own needs.

Growing up is frustrating for little ones.

It's lately that I've been noticing through these challenging moments a beautiful and pleasing silver lining. The silver lining being a glimpse at the wonderful adult you will become.

Examples:

When you get frustrated with me because we can't go to the Rocket Ship park and eat a snowcone because we have to go home and eat dinner and let the dogs out, you might say: "I maaaaad at you, Mommy! I talk baaaaaad to you!"

The silver lining that I see so clearly shining through is that you recognize that you are talking "not nice" to Mommy and you know that this is not okay.

Seem small? Well, it's not. It means that you know what good behavior is and your frustration is causing you to act out, but you recognize it and that's amazing!

Another example:

When I make a mistake, you point it out to me. "Mommy! You wrong! You WRONG, Mommy!" with a big smile.

I get the opportunity to demonstrate grace and smile as I admit that "Yes, Mommy was wrong! :)" and show that it's okay to make mistakes.

I can see this coming through because you will now declare when you notice that you got something incorrect "I was wrong, Mommy!" and you will smile. I am so happy about this!

We all struggle with the ability to recognize and accept that we are wrong. We make mistakes and we will continue to make mistakes. Being able to recognize it and admit to it makes it easier to grow as a person. I have found in my own life that it's hard to admit mistakes and failures, but the growth that I'm most proud of as a person is growth that I've earned. Growth that comes right from mistakes and life lessons. It's very rewarding when I see you all poised to deal with this.

When I get upset with you, you tell me "don't be fwustwated wiff me, Mommy!" and sometimes will even wag a finger in a knowing way and lecture me that "Dis is your warning, Mommy" like I do with you when you are walking the path to time out. This gives me a unique look at what it's like to be on your end of the spectrum and, when I hear myself coming from you, I can evaluate my parenting techniques and tweak them as needed so I can raise you to be a good person who knows his own value because he's been shown it.

I guess what I'm learning lately is that you can learn a lot from back-talk and the daily battles of youth and growing independence and it can actually look a lot like a silver lining if you tilt your head a little and change your perspective.

Love,

Mommy

...The Darndest Things...

2008-06-11T11:37:00.003-06:00

Jack,

You know that phrase "Kids say the Darndest Things?" Well..... :)
Jack: "Mommy! Your tummy is wrinkled!"
"Mommy - there's hair on your back."

Feeling a little bit like BigFoot right about now...

"Don't be fwustwated wiff me, Mommy - BE HAPPY!"
This next one, picture it's three AM and you are tired of listening to yelling coming from the opposite room...
"MooooooommmYYYYYY!!!! COME IN HERE AND GET ME! MOMMMMMMMEEEEEEEE! I NEED YOU TO COME AND GET MEEEEEE!!!!"

"Jack! Stop this right now! It's not wake up time and I can't sleep with you yelling. Now STOP!"

Silence.

Then, out of the darkness:

"Now can I, Mommy?"
***********

Or comments like this made under little breath after being corrected....:

".... I rip you, Mommy...."

Huh?

********Another big thing is "Later" which I am fully embracing. If I say "no" to something, after arguing to the point where you have been able to deduce that you aren't going to be able to get what you want this time, you will declare "We do it LATER" with a conviction and finality that allows you to accept that it won't happen NOW and then you head off about your business.
Part of me worries that an avalanche of "Laters" will be my final cause of death if they all come to fruition at once.
************

Love,

Mommy

The Same But Very Different

2008-05-30T18:36:00.008-06:00

Jack,

It's no secret that we love to visit the Lake. We share a place with other family members that we all went in on together. The result is a built in vacation home that we all take care of and get to visit year round for some much needed R&R from our daily grinds.
The nice thing about partnering with family is that you can drop in on someone else's weekend (checking in advance, of course), usually without upset to the other family whose weekend it is - just as long as it doesn't happen ALL the time. :)We had a couple of wonderful weekends recently where we visited the Lake at the same time as my family and then invited Clay's brother and niece, Hannah, down for a visit the following weekend.Both were fantastic experiences!With my side of the family, you got to enjoy Baby Charlie whom you get along with very well.Even though he is so much smaller, he is very active and, as a result, you treat him much more like a peer than a younger child. He seems to like the fact that you expect more out of him. You are patient but will bring him a 25 piece puzzle and fully expect that he will sit there and assemble it with you. Charlie does his part by scrambling up the pieces with very busy hands reaching and grabbing in the box while you go about the business of assembly. There is always much to do when we are all together - boating, swimming, eating and LOTS of conversation.The following weekend, we hadn't had enough time to satisfy us, so we headed down again. This time, we invited Scott and Hannah to join us. Watching you with Hannah - or any older kid, but Hannah in particular - is an experience. It's a chance to see you in a different element - being challenged to stretch further, do things that you may not ordinarily try simply because you see an older child being successful at it.We decided to take you guys to an animal park that your Daddy and I first visited for my 30th birthday. Daddy had read about this park where you could actually feed the animals and knew that this would be RIGHT UP MY ALLEY!It really is kind of my Disney World!The animals roam their huge pens and approach the windows of your cars to be fed - and I'm talking BIIIIIIIIIG animals.Camels, llamas, Cape Buffalo, Buffalo, Long Horn Steer, Rams, Goats, Ostriches, Emu's, Zebras, ZeDonks, deer, and on and on and on.....They just walk right up to the car and expect fast food. They are very trusting and usually good about taking food from your hand, but you have to be careful. They are hungry and they are animals and they are simply trusting that what you put in their mouth is edible, so you need to be careful not to include your fingers.I love that there is a place like this because it's the only place I know of where you can get THIS hands on with animals like this and I wouldn't be too surprised if it didn't last much longer. There are a lot of things about this place that I think are only still around because people who would have problems with it don't know that it exists.When going through this park, you have to be absolutely willing to sacrifice your car. You will come out with dents. Guaranteed.Avalanches of spit will flow down your car doors as the anticipated food in the minds of the animals causes them to salivate at a rate that I would have thought impossible. Large animals will hop on their hind legs and lean against your car for better leverage to cram their maws in through the window hole so you can shove food into their eager and available faces.
While we were there, a frustrated Ram wasn't getting as much food as he wanted since we were fairly distributing it to all the animals at the window one at a time and decided to ram the side of the car until food was rained down on him to get him to QUIT IT!A zebra decided to try to chew on the top of the car and at one point a long horn steer scratched a big scratch up the side of the car when he attempted to use his long horns to remove his competition from our car window area to better position himself. So there is the risk of car damage, potential biting, ramming and goring, but other than that.... :) Actually the risk is mostly to the vehicle provided you are cautious in your feeding attempts, so I feel confident in bringing you through the park.This ZeDonk almost pushed his entire body through the window - so eager was he to get a taste of your Cheetos that you were snacking on. You just calmly replied to him "Nooooooo ZEDONK, dey not fo yoooouuuu."

But how else am I going to get the opportunity for you to hand feed a Dangerous CAPE BUFFALO?And, that's what's REALLY important, isn't it?Love,

Mommy

Stupid is as Stupid Does

2008-05-25T06:30:00.001-06:00

Jack,

I don't know how to preface this but to just admit to you that I am prone to acts of stupidity sometimes.

Yes, sometimes.

Now, I may try to color it in a different light. I could say that I'm clumsy or spastic at times. Those are true, too, but it just doesn't encompass all of it.

So, on Tuesday night - Clay was out of town. When your Daddy is out of town, I like to fall asleep amongst chaos. I turn on the TV and the dogs sleep next to the bed so that I can here their elephant stampede in my brain every time they decide to get up on their big dinosaur feet in the middle of the night and have a ridiculous parade around the bedroom.

As it happened, my blanket was dragging on the ground on Tuesday night so the dogs decided to sleep on it and, during the night, they claimed more and more for themselves. Sometime in the dark of night, I got cold and very pissed off at the dogs for claiming so much of my blanket so in an act of pure evilness, I decided to exact my revenge on them by sweeping the blanket out from under them and claiming it back for myself thus teaching them a lesson for leaving me in the cold.

When I grabbed the blanket and yanked very hard, I forgot that the remote control was on the blanket and catapulted it directly into my face. I remember that it hurt. Badly. But I was so tired that I waited for the pain to subside and then fell back asleep.

The next morning I couldn't figure out why my eye wasn't opening when my other eye was. So I looked in the mirror. I remember thinking "oh. shit."

Here is my eye now on Saturday after (...wednesday...thursday...friday....saturday)... FOUR days of healing.... and - bear in mind - it looks a world better than it did.....
Which is why I was a little too embarrassed to blog about this till now.

2 days of business conference where I looked like a recovering prize fighter and now all my co-workers think that Daddy is abusive because no one is buying my "smacked myself in the face with the remote control" story.

(sigh)......

What a week! :)

Love,

Mommy

Fish Park

2008-05-20T19:47:00.010-06:00

Jack,

We went for a family outing to the Japanese gardens at the Botanical Gardens. We went with the full intent of visiting the koi in the Japanese gardens ponds.They are really spectacular.Colorful and not the least bit shy.The only time in my life I can think when I have been able to hand feed a large fish up close and personal.You loved the way they begged for their food by opening up their mouths wide enough you could practically see their stomachs.It's a quarter a handful of pellets and we were prepared with a laundromat quantity so the fish were well fed by the time we left!Turns out I forgot that the gardens had a lot more to offer than just the big and tame fish.There is a really fun kids playground area with slides and things to climb on.We even got so lucky as to run into one of your daycare friends from your roomand the two of you played with boats in the water until closing time.but much more than your enjoyment of the slides and playground equipment,I was surprised by how much you seemed to enjoy the sculpture exhibits they had around the park.The exhibits were very kid accessible.Many you could climb into and there were very few that you couldn't touch in some way.It was funny to see you observing the different sculptures like you were a little sophisticate.
One interesting experience where you thought you could go in the pond to check out the floating ornaments.

We even got to see the pomp and ceremony of a wedding about to take place.Always so much to seeand never enough time in a day.Love,

Mommy

Creating your own fun

2008-05-17T06:43:00.005-06:00

Jack,

Soooooo.... I'm feeling kind of proud of this latest idea. I have accumulated a lot of time off at work by not using my vacation time and now I'm being pressured to take it. So, we decided (actually, the real credit goes to Daddy for the idea, me to agreeing to it) to meet Daddy on one of his work trips so we could see him when he was off work. It was pretty sweet! We got to swim in the hotel pool while Daddy was working and explore the hotel - free breakfast that I didn't have to cook or anything.

Oh.... and they had a Chuck E Cheese across the street from the hotel.

What? Didn't I mention that? That eensy weensy very important tiny detail?And now you want to go to work with Daddy. And why not? You now see what we do every day and the pure torture that it is. You must think we are such wusses.

Love,

Mommy